You ARE mom enough

Wow the past few days have been tough !!!! I felt like a failure as a mother, a wife, and just in general. My baby is going through well, something haha, I am never 100% sure what.

Everything I seem to do with her upsets her; getting dressed, wiping her face, feeding her, putting her down, carrying her, and looking at her. I do know its a phase, but wow its getting me under these past few days. It’s exhausting, and its something you cant understand until you go through it yourself.

She is at that age where she wants to do way more than she is capable, and she does not understand why she cant reach the dog bowl from her walker, which results in relentless crying and stomping until I take her out and let her have it. I know I know I am spoiling her, but at this point I just cant be bothered as long as the crying stops.

Its very easy to go to that dark place and think ;”boy I am really not good at this”, you look at other moms and you think they got it all figured out and they are so put together. When you have days where showering feels like you conquered the world. The truth is, they also have struggles and that I can promise you ! If you get up every morning and do your best, put your child’s needs before your own and teach your child to be a good and kind person by being one, then you are mom enough !

That is all you need to do, my sister once told me “up until 2 years old all you have to do is keep them alive” haha , that still makes me feel better when I have days where it feels like that is all I did.

Give yourself a break, learn to look for the humor in tough situations and tell yourself that you are awesome more than once a day! Because by being a mom, you automatically are !

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How time makes you a stronger parent

When my husband and I first brought our baby girl home, I remember how sore our warms used to be for days, from holding her and breastfeeding (she only weighed 2,95 kilos), now she weighs 10 kilos and we cary her around a lot (she is in that clingy phase where she wants to get picked up ALL THE TIME) and yet our arms don’t get sore quickly anymore, in-fact, I even get a few things done around the house while carrying her.

And that is what motherhood does to you, it makes you stronger, selfless and oh so much more motivated in life. When something happens in your personal or work life that upsets you or throws you a curveball, having a baby teaches you to just get through it, you cant sit in a corner and feel sorry for yourself, because your baby still needs attention and sleep and food and and. There is no time to take to mope around or to wallow. You get up and you push through it.

Sleep is another example, for the first 9 months I struggled so much without a proper night’s sleep, now , I don’t really mind, I get up at night and I am okay, I am not even moody anymore, I think I have maybe just admitted defeat. Haha

Being a mother changes your life ! And it is such a blessing to be able to have a little human. And being stronger for it, Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we raise them and may we be them. 🙏🏻❤️

When routine gets the better of you

I for one am someone who needs excitement and adventure in life, some spontaneity so to speak, I get bored with one single thing so quickly and need new things to stimulate me. Having a 9 month old however, makes this very difficult if not impossible.

For those of you who are new here, I live in a rural area about an hour from the Botswana border, we own a few businesses in the small town Ganyesa, and I am a stay at home mom. We live 70 kilometers from the nearest town, and its a horrible town haha. So I do start to feel a bit isolated most days.

Looking after my baby girl is a blessing don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I am not doing anything some days, when in reality; I run after her crawling little body all day, feed her, play with her, cook,clean and try to get some time for myself, she wakes about 3 times a night, and we all know weekends are not what they used to be before we had children! Haha.

Its easy for stay at home moms to feel like they are not adding to anything, they don’t have a job and don’t feel like they are accomplishing anything really. When in reality, you have the most important job of all; raising a child that will be kind and compassionate to others, so that they can go out into the world knowing that they can be all they want to be, with you cheering them on with every step they take. Its A VERY IMPORTANT JOB !

Its so tiring to do this every day all day, and then I think of the moms who work, come home after a long day and still have to get up at night for their babies, the point is we all have struggles and hard days with our children, or, with just being a mother in general. Its important to remind ourselves that life is full of phases, the sleepless night, the fighting with your husband, the snotty noses; they all end, and we get to see them grow up. Is that not amazing ?

I hope there is someone out there that needs to hear this; take everything in stride, have your bad days, be down, and the next day get up and pit a smile on your face and do it all over again- because one day you will miss it !

Traveling With an Infant 101

We recently flew to Perth with out then 7 month old baby girl. I was so stressed about the flight because I did not know what to expect.

Our experience however was a little bit all over the place; we flew with South African Airways which I swore I would never do again , and it was a balls up from start to finish !

We were told to book a bassinet for our baby girl , which we did , phoned three times to confirm it as I was so stressed about the flight. They assured me that it was all good. Long story short – we got on the plane and there was no bassinet . We ended up with two empty seats between us (thank goodness) and she slept there the flight , which went okay , she woke up a few times and we tried to give her bottle for take off and landing for her ears. All in all it went okay , we were exhausted but our baby didn’t scream the whole way, which was a win for me! 🤣👌🏻

The flight back was even worse, we ended up with no bassinet as they give them to the smaller babies first (which no one even told me) she ended up having to sleep on our laps, now my baby has never been one to cuddle or sleep on me or even sleep in a sling ! It was CHAOS ! But somehow we survived the whole process and ended up living to tell the tale.

This is maybe not what every mom out there wants to hear but my advice is to wing it – it sounds silly but every baby is so different and if it is your first time flying you have no idea how your baby will react or sleep on the plane. Prepare to sleep very little and just get through it , who knows, your baby might surprise you.

Jetlag

Jetlag on the other hand is a whole new ball game. Some say that you should start getting your baby on the new time zone by slowly adjusting their routine until they are used to it, this however is crazy to me haha as that would mean I also have to be on that time zone ! But once you do that then at least you can enjoy your holiday once you arrive without having to deal with jetlag.

To us, honestly, waiting it out was the best option, she took about 4-5 days and we were all back to normal again, although a rough few days, she slowly got back onto the right time zone without having to force her to sleep or waking her up when she is not supposed to sleep.

So don’t panic, this too shall pass and it is so worth it traveling overseas with your baby . Take a deep breath and just do it, don’t overthink it. You can do it 👌🏻

Safe travels everyone ✈️

To all the mothers out there / Making 2019 YOUR year

Today I realised that January 2019 is almost over and I haven’t written a single thing!!

Wow right ? This is something I enjoy and use as a sort of “dear diary”, and yet I forgot about it completely and it doesn’t end there; I haven’t read one page of the books I love, I haven’t seen the friends I adore in ages and the list goes on and on.

Why you may ask ? Well I had a baby. The problem with this statement is that although this is true, it is not the only thing that keeps me from doing what I love and what brings me joy. Its the guilt that follows from not being “productive” while my baby is finally sleeping (I know I am not alone on this).

I seem to feel like I have to so everything myself , which is not true , my husband helps and everything does not have to be done in one day – hence the exhaustion.

The washing can wait a day (well sometimes anyway) the dishes can wait till tonight, sometimes you just have to take a minute during the day to do something that brings YOU joy. Selfish right ? NO ! The happier you are , the happier your kids will be , it overflows into so many areas of our lives and we don’t even realize it. Being more relaxed and happier tends to also be good for your marriage or relationship; you are less irritable and even feel a little bit more rested and positive.

I for one don’t believe in new years resolutions, I believe that you can make changes and better yourself any day of the year , and the best time is NOW ! Make time for yourself, do more of what you enjoy, even if you literally have to schedule it to make it happen. If there is a will there is a way.

Heres to more writing and reading in 2019 !

Motherhood is far from glam

I stay at home with my baby girl, and yesterday it was midday and I glanced at myself in the mirror for the first time that day… and cringed! – What!? Is that really what I look like !

I had a C-Section, and needless to say; my tummy looks and feels horrible. It does not even feel like it is attached to my body some days. In the beginning, after the surgery, I could handle it because it would get better with time, now, 7 months later, it has gotten better but I HATE my body !

It has gotten so bad that it is actually affecting my marriage, and just everything really, clothes shopping is something that I used to LOVE, now I dread it! I even get dressed in the bathroom so that my husband does not see me naked in the light. I know this might seem extreme to some, and it definitely does to my husband (who bless him, still thinks I am gorgeous), but I just don’t feel good about myself.

Isn’t it weird how we can be our own worst critics? No one is harder on someone than you with yourself, on the one hand its good because you should push yourself to be better, but sometimes (like in my case) it becomes a sort of obsession, obsession to look like that woman on TV that your husband stared at, obsession to think that people who walk pass you think “wow she is fat”. When in reality , they don’t even notice you, they are busy battling their own insecurities.

At the end of the day, you always have a decision, I can either hate my body and wallow in self pity, or I can try to do something about it, exercise a little eat a bit healthier, even if the results are not miraculous or amazing, just trying would also make me feel a bit better.

So here is to being happier, and healthier.

The “mom itch”

Ever notice how once you start doing something with your baby , and you have no free hands, you start itching somewhere ? The mom itch!

As if motherhood is not hard enough already right? Now you find yourself trying to hold a bottle with your chin while trying to scratch your nose with your way too short arm! In reality it is called “phantom itching” but I truly think its the mom itch, it always happens when I am busy with my baby girl, and ALWAYS when I cant scratch !

The moment I stop with what I am doing, the itch goes away! It is so frustrating, and no way to stop it from happening again. This is one of those phenomenas that makes no sense, just like motherly instinct and how you can function on 2 hours of sleep. Yet, all of the above is very real.

This made me think of all the things we as moms go through that no one sees; the emotional turmoil when your baby is crying, hurting or just unhappy, the hurt when your partner goes straight to bed instead of spending some time alone with you, the tiredness that comes with it all. It can be so difficult some days that it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, yet, the next day; we do it all over again.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to keep quiet because I feel like my husband and friends don’t really understand how I feel or what I am going through, and sometimes I just do not know how to put my feelings into words, keeping my feelings to myself just less effort in the long run.

Its like an itch you cant scratch, knowing that if you talk about it; it will only turn into a fight and you will still feel alone at the end of it. Being a mother comes with so many internal struggles that we often don’t talk about to others.

Sometimes , just sometimes, it is okay to put yourself first, to take a moment and give your baby to someone for a few hours and just let it all out, have a good cry, go for a walk , get some retail therapy, read a few pages of that book you haven’t touched, just take a moment.

I am horrible at this, when I leave my baby with someone, I always feel like I have to hurry back, like that person is doing me a favor and therefore I must not push it because maybe they wont do it again then.

In reality though, most people that offer to babysit; understand that moms need a break, and wont even mind if you take that extra half an hour to go for a pedicure instead of rushing back home. For me; this is an ongoing process, I am learning everyday that it is okay to take a minute, some days I feel more anxious than others , but I am getting there.

Take a break, it is so rewarding and just so necessary for a healthier, happier you!