As my baby takes her first steps

My baby turns one in exactly one week !! And I find myself so emotional and nostalgic about the past year, having your first baby is so so intense on both parents. It changes every single aspect of your life – for the better !!

The first year is full of uncertainty and doubt around every corner, especially if it is your first like with us. The sleepless nights (well that is still there), the constant worrying (okay this is also still ongoing), the doubting (ha okay I will stop now), although I experience all these still on a daily basis, what has improved is my baby blues, my stress is a little less, and most importantly, I have had the privilege to see this little baby turn into a little girl, and that in itself, is reward enough for this roller coaster of a first year of parenting.

My sister once told me that for the first two years you just have to keep them alive, and well, entering toddlerhood, I wish she would have told me that it is not all that easy, they fall, they stumble and they just seem to have a death wish with the things that they attempt to do!

Thinking back, when we first brought her home I couldn’t sleep, mostly because I googled everything before I gave birth, and that made me so so paranoid knowing everything that could go wrong (wow was that exhausting).

It all just made me realize how fleeting motherhood is, I mean, a while year has gone by and sometimes it feels like I haven’t done anything this past year, but then I look at that face and I know I have done sooo much and I am so proud of myself!

So have that party, yes your baby wont remember her first birthday, but its important, for the whole family; to celebrate that first year, because lets face it, we survived !

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How becoming a mom has made me apprehensive

I don’t know if it is only me, but since I have become a mother I find myself in these moments where it feels like I cant catch my breath, it is like my mind is constantly racing and I cant relax. Motherhood right !? Lol

My husband seems to think that telling me to relax will do the trick, ha right? Granted, my baby did just get burnt so I am a little on the edge and worried about her like any mom would be, but I do feel like I need to learn how to shut off when the time is right.

There are countless factors that contribute to this “mom anxiety”; the one that I don’t really have anything that occupies my mind or distracts me, I don’t have any family or friends nearby, combine all of this with someone that overthinks EVERYTHING and then give that person a baby = CHAOS!

I am constantly doubting myself, whether she is getting sick, if I am giving her enough stimulation at home, exposing her to enough of the “outside world”, and well, if I am a good mother. I feel like I cant have a few drinks at night because she might wake up crying at any minute and then I am not my best self, which is what she deserves.

After thinking about this for so long and talking it over with other moms, I have finally realized that I am human, which means that I simply cannot be perfect all the time, I cant make the right decisions every single time and I cant be the best mother I can be when I am constantly in my head and overthinking everything, because in the end, that just takes away from the present and all the amazing moments with my family.

Taking a few deep breaths every time I feel overwhelmed or my heartbeat picking up, has really helped me keep things in perspective, and I strongly believe that the mind is a powerful thing, change your mindset and the rest will follow, practice makes perfect.

Constantly living in fear of failing is not living! So here’s to more deep breaths and a different outlook on life. 👌🏻💪🏻

How to keep your exploring baby stimulated

If your 11 month old is anything like mine, they have now officially lost all interest in their toys.

This is such an exciting age for us all, she is becoming more social and now shows you what she wants (it is just too cute for words), she is taking a few steps towards something and she is exploring and learning so much.

This is also a very difficult age for all of us, as she can now reach places she hasn’t before, she goes somewhere by herself, and she is very cranky as her brain is so so busy so she struggles to settle herself when its nap time, she also goes from 0-100 in about a split second with tantrums.

I can see she is struggling with the world around her as she wants to do so much, but just can’t and she doesn’t understand why (hence the tantrums when she cant have my hot cup of coffee)

Being a mom to an almost toddler is so exhausting, you want to watch them every minute so they don’t get hurt (hence my post about my baby’s accident) but you also want to give them the freedom to explore and learn new things by themselves.

For me, keeping het busy during the day was/is such a huge struggle, I let her play with my Tupperware while I cook and she loves playing with the dog food and the bird food. Then I have this random “stuff” basket in my room, with hair stuff, empty boxes and just random trinkets that she loves to play with. She will only play with her toys for a few minutes and if I sit and play with her. I have a toddler swing which she absolutely loves (we put it outside so she can play a bit).

She basically plays with anything and everything in my house that she cant swallow or injure herself with (for the most part anyway).

Other than that she also usually ends up throwing anything and everything down the toilet and my house looks chaotic at the end of the day, but guess what? We had so much fun and I got a lot done and she learned so much during the day , which is a bonus. Doing it all this way is exhausting haha, but it keeps us both busy during the day.

Each baby is so so different so please don’t take this as me telling you what to do, maybe your baby is just as busy and this gives you some advice, or your baby loves her toys and this post makes you laugh haha.

If any of you have any ideas on how you keep your toddler busy, please let me know ? And we can swap war stories ! As you can see I need new ideas 💡

Lets talk marriage

Okay so only moms will know what I am talking about; there is nothing that puts pressure on a marriage like having children !

Especially your first haha, looking back now it is crazy to think how much we fought, and by fought I mean taking everything out on each other, the lack of sleep, the stress from breastfeeding and just being a mom, the very big change in priorities and countless other issues that seemed to have overwhelmed us as new parents.

it changed literally every aspect of our marriage, you see each other differently, that man is the father of my child, and I am the mother of his child, it changes the way you love each other, you share this amazing bond now, and no matter what the future holds for the two of you, you are now always linked by your child, you will always be apart of each others lives.

And to be honest, having a baby takes the romance and mystery out of it all a tiny bit (okay a lot, between the post baby crying and huge pads), and some days you really need to dig deep to find time to be intimate or romantic because you are just so so tired.

But at the end of the day your relationship is stronger for it, we have only been married two years and our baby girl is now turning one, and it feels like we have known each other our whole lives because we have been through so much together in such a short time.

So yes , starting a family puts pressure on a marriage, but you know what they say “diamonds are formed under pressure”.

Don’t give up, you will get date nights again and romantic get aways before you know it!

How having a child has made us both more mature

My husband said something to me today “I think I am way more mature since Paige was born” – This really made me think, and wow its so true its scary.

About three months ago we joined an online fitness group and did a 12 week transformation, it was so intense but the results are amazing, and he said that he would have given up a long time ago before he was born.

We always think that becoming a parent only changes the mother, but it doesn’t, it changed my husband too, he doesn’t just go out at night anymore because he wants to be home to spend time with his family, he is much more disciplined than before and this is because of our routine with Paige. It teaches you to do things even though you don’t feel like it, because well you just have to.

Having a baby kind of teaches you how to “adult” properly haha. I have never really felt grown up until I had a child, you sort of step into a whole new community that you never really understood before, and yet we still are who we were, in a sense, personalities intact, just with different priorities.

I honestly believe that we all go through stages in life , I saw my sister go through them, we all are those people that cant go out drinking or clubbing until early morning because we have babies that still don’t sleep through , fast forward a few years and those same people are the ones that don’t want to leave the party because their children are finally sleeping through and can go to the toilet by themselves )(I myself am looking forward to those days lol).

Thats why it is so important to surround yourself with people that get it, that understand these stages and respect them, that can go through them with you , to laugh with and vent with (and drink with).

Having children changes every aspect of tour life, and in every way possible, and soon you find yourself wondering how you were ever content before your house was in such a mess ❤️

How to deal with those sneaky insecure mom moments

My baby is going through a phase where she only wants her dad, she is happy with me during the day, but the moment she sees her dad she starts crying and only wants him, she even cries when he puts her down. Its intense ! In my opinion I think she is having separation anxiety, but with him and not with me, because well, I never leave, I am a stay at home mom and she never had sleepovers at grandparents or family. So it is safe to say that there is no need for her to miss me haha.

In a way, this makes me sad. I feel like (at the risk of sounding like a child) sad. Like she does not want me and I am her mother. I feel like I do all the hard work with her, I force her to have medicine and change her and puts her to bed etc. and then she still likes him more because he is the “fun” one, he plays with her and does all the nice things.

I think all mothers feel like this, regardless of the “daddy’s girl cliche”, being a mother is something that takes over your whole world, your children are your whole world, and when your children don’t show that back to you, you tend to feel a bit hurt, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

This is new territory for me, I am not an insecure person and I don’t overthink everything ( well mostly haha), and it was so hard to accept that this is the way I feel about it; sad. A few days passed and I finally gained some perspective (as with everything, time heals all wounds), how amazing is it that my husband spends so much time with our little girl, and that he is such a great father that she wants to be with him and not just me.

Sometimes getting some distance from an issue makes all the difference in the world, and things don’t seem so bad and you can see the silver lining so to speak.

Lets all take a breath and realize that we don’t need to put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom, to me, he fact that she wanted her dad and not me made me feel like I am not doing a good job, which simply is not true. It is okay to accept help, and not be alone in all of this, whether it is a husband, partner, grandmother, friend or nanny. And your child liking someone else more in a certain moment does not make you any less of a great mother ❤️

Learning how to have fun with motherhood

When I think back on the first few months after my baby girl was born , I think what a waste ! What a waste all that stressing was for and the anxiety, instead of just enjoying every minute of it. It took me so long to adjust to being a mother that I missed out on half the journey. I think it is all part of being a first time mom, I don’t think there is a woman on earth that did not feel overwhelmed the first time she brought her little one home.

As the months went by, I slowly learned to not be so hard on myself (and my poor husband) and to just breathe through the difficult times. And most importantly; I learned how to have fun whilst doing it.

I always felt so overwhelmed that I thought there was no time in the day to do something that I enjoy, I soon realized that this was just an excuse. The moment I made an effort, things started to change for me, I now write while I sit on the floor and play with her (master multitasker right!?), its not easy, and a post takes me twice as long, but I am doing it.

We need to realize the importance of doing something different, something other than being a wife/partner and a mother, we need to do something that makes us feel like an individual again, it just gives you the little break that you need to carry on with what the day holds.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, we too often feel like asking for help means that you are not coping with being a mother and that you have failed, that is just not true, and don’t let anyone make you feel like that. Older people always tend to tell me “I had no help whatsoever and raised four kids”- well, well done , but that simply does not mean anything to me, I promise you that their recollection of something that happened 30 years ago is a bit embellished, and that does not mean that you now have to do the same or compare.

Take that break, have fun, have fun with your baby, each little giggle is worth all the dishes in the world, it can wait, all of it can, because at the end of the day, life is too short, so don’t live your life trying to live up to an ideal that is probably fabricated in the first place.