When routine gets the better of you

I for one am someone who needs excitement and adventure in life, some spontaneity so to speak, I get bored with one single thing so quickly and need new things to stimulate me. Having a 9 month old however, makes this very difficult if not impossible.

For those of you who are new here, I live in a rural area about an hour from the Botswana border, we own a few businesses in the small town Ganyesa, and I am a stay at home mom. We live 70 kilometers from the nearest town, and its a horrible town haha. So I do start to feel a bit isolated most days.

Looking after my baby girl is a blessing don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I am not doing anything some days, when in reality; I run after her crawling little body all day, feed her, play with her, cook,clean and try to get some time for myself, she wakes about 3 times a night, and we all know weekends are not what they used to be before we had children! Haha.

Its easy for stay at home moms to feel like they are not adding to anything, they don’t have a job and don’t feel like they are accomplishing anything really. When in reality, you have the most important job of all; raising a child that will be kind and compassionate to others, so that they can go out into the world knowing that they can be all they want to be, with you cheering them on with every step they take. Its A VERY IMPORTANT JOB !

Its so tiring to do this every day all day, and then I think of the moms who work, come home after a long day and still have to get up at night for their babies, the point is we all have struggles and hard days with our children, or, with just being a mother in general. Its important to remind ourselves that life is full of phases, the sleepless night, the fighting with your husband, the snotty noses; they all end, and we get to see them grow up. Is that not amazing ?

I hope there is someone out there that needs to hear this; take everything in stride, have your bad days, be down, and the next day get up and pit a smile on your face and do it all over again- because one day you will miss it !

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The guessing game

Let me start off by saying that I was convinced my baby girl was teething basically since she was 4 months old – she was not and only started teething at 8 months, and got 4 teeth in 3 weeks!? I mean? What!

At this point who knows whats going on, if its not a leap, its a growth spurt or teeth or hay fever, or a runny nose, or the blanket is the wrong way around, or well she just does not feel like doing something. You have to guess everything ! I know they call it “motherly instinct” and all but somedays I have no idea what is wrong !

I think not enough moms say this out loud to each other, all I have ever heard from other moms is “you should try this and this” and not “you know, I also had no idea what to do at first but then….”. I feel like these days some moms are so focused on being perfect because that is what social media portrays. Instead of being REAL. Having the difficult conversations with each other and venting about all the struggles motherhood has to offer, just to know that we are not alone.

The moment you feel understood, the whole world shifts, you can handle more and you don’t feel like a failure all the time (just every now and then haha). I for one cant wait until my baby girl can tell me what she needs and tell me when she wants a cuddle or when she is scared of something so that I can give her what she needs. But, as with everything in life, we have to go through the difficult stages to appreciate the good ones even more.

At the end of the day we need to appreciate every stage with our little ones, even the hard times, what a blessing to be a mama, and to have such an adorable, friendly little girl at that.

Baby Fever Its Real and its Scary

My baby girl just tuned 9 months old, and I feel like I really want another one already, I mean am I crazy?! I probably am !

Today I looked through all Paige’s baby pictures and I got so broody its insane, then I thought about it; I think the reason I want another baby so badly is because it feels like I never really appreciated her being so small,in between the stress and anxiety of being a first time mom and baby blues, I somehow missed it all.

But I guess all new moms feel the same way? I am just so excited for my second pregnancy, although knowing every pregnancy is different; I am excited to go through it kind of knowing what to expect and not freaking out over the little things and just enjoying the little things with my family. I will be waiting before we try for our second one, but I can already see Paige as a big sister and it warms my heart.

The Decision

What makes you decide to have another baby? Some look at the age difference, others at their finances, the truth is that there are so many factors to consider, you want to give your second child the same life you give to your first, and you worry about the first one not getting as much attention.

The problem with these issues are that they might always be there, someone on e told me “if you are waiting until you are ready, you will wait forever”; when it comes to babies, there really is not a way to prepare you for what it to come haha.

There is a thin line between being realistic about another baby and to just do it and not to overthink it. You need to find the middle where you feel comfortable, just remember when you held your baby for the first time; the love you felt and how everything else just seemed to disappear, all the pain and the worrying, it was all worth it.

Starting a family is such a blessing, and something we all should cherish, do what you feel is best for your family, whether it be to have 10 children or 10 puppies. Just stay true to yourself and do what brings you joy.

Traveling With an Infant 101

We recently flew to Perth with out then 7 month old baby girl. I was so stressed about the flight because I did not know what to expect.

Our experience however was a little bit all over the place; we flew with South African Airways which I swore I would never do again , and it was a balls up from start to finish !

We were told to book a bassinet for our baby girl , which we did , phoned three times to confirm it as I was so stressed about the flight. They assured me that it was all good. Long story short – we got on the plane and there was no bassinet . We ended up with two empty seats between us (thank goodness) and she slept there the flight , which went okay , she woke up a few times and we tried to give her bottle for take off and landing for her ears. All in all it went okay , we were exhausted but our baby didn’t scream the whole way, which was a win for me! 🤣👌🏻

The flight back was even worse, we ended up with no bassinet as they give them to the smaller babies first (which no one even told me) she ended up having to sleep on our laps, now my baby has never been one to cuddle or sleep on me or even sleep in a sling ! It was CHAOS ! But somehow we survived the whole process and ended up living to tell the tale.

This is maybe not what every mom out there wants to hear but my advice is to wing it – it sounds silly but every baby is so different and if it is your first time flying you have no idea how your baby will react or sleep on the plane. Prepare to sleep very little and just get through it , who knows, your baby might surprise you.

Jetlag

Jetlag on the other hand is a whole new ball game. Some say that you should start getting your baby on the new time zone by slowly adjusting their routine until they are used to it, this however is crazy to me haha as that would mean I also have to be on that time zone ! But once you do that then at least you can enjoy your holiday once you arrive without having to deal with jetlag.

To us, honestly, waiting it out was the best option, she took about 4-5 days and we were all back to normal again, although a rough few days, she slowly got back onto the right time zone without having to force her to sleep or waking her up when she is not supposed to sleep.

So don’t panic, this too shall pass and it is so worth it traveling overseas with your baby . Take a deep breath and just do it, don’t overthink it. You can do it 👌🏻

Safe travels everyone ✈️

To all the mothers out there / Making 2019 YOUR year

Today I realised that January 2019 is almost over and I haven’t written a single thing!!

Wow right ? This is something I enjoy and use as a sort of “dear diary”, and yet I forgot about it completely and it doesn’t end there; I haven’t read one page of the books I love, I haven’t seen the friends I adore in ages and the list goes on and on.

Why you may ask ? Well I had a baby. The problem with this statement is that although this is true, it is not the only thing that keeps me from doing what I love and what brings me joy. Its the guilt that follows from not being “productive” while my baby is finally sleeping (I know I am not alone on this).

I seem to feel like I have to so everything myself , which is not true , my husband helps and everything does not have to be done in one day – hence the exhaustion.

The washing can wait a day (well sometimes anyway) the dishes can wait till tonight, sometimes you just have to take a minute during the day to do something that brings YOU joy. Selfish right ? NO ! The happier you are , the happier your kids will be , it overflows into so many areas of our lives and we don’t even realize it. Being more relaxed and happier tends to also be good for your marriage or relationship; you are less irritable and even feel a little bit more rested and positive.

I for one don’t believe in new years resolutions, I believe that you can make changes and better yourself any day of the year , and the best time is NOW ! Make time for yourself, do more of what you enjoy, even if you literally have to schedule it to make it happen. If there is a will there is a way.

Heres to more writing and reading in 2019 !

To the mom who craves control

This post is very personal to me,and something about myself that I never knew.

The Control Freak

I somehow, NEED control , in every situation in my life, in any way that I can. Without realizing it, it has taken all the fun out of everything, I somehow think that if I can anticipate everything and be prepared for it, that I would be able to handle it better, even as I am typing this, I realize how silly that sounds, but still very real.

I feel that I cant go on “unplanned” excursions because my baby is in a routine (and so am I for that matter) and it was not on my to do list, so I cant go. Before Paige was born I was quite spontaneous, loved the unexpected and thrived under pressure. Motherhood has somehow changed all of this, I have turned into someone who cant go out at night because I don’t want to risk a screaming session in a restaurant – for the fear of someone thinking I am not a good mother.

Red Flags

Now, with my psychology background I can tell you that everythingI just wrote raises sooo many red flags.

  • Firstly, isolating yourself from social events and friends is so unhealthy, and it sets an example for your children as they grow up. My baby girl is so happy when we are out and about, she takes so much in and just enjoys looking around and staring and smiling at the people.
  • Secondly; setting this “paranoid” vibe for my baby just creates so many issues later on in life for her, I basically will be teaching her to be careful, with everything, to not be bold, brave and adventurous – like I used to be.

Learning to “Breathe”

At the end of the day, you simply can not control every situation life throws at you, sometimes you just have to let go a little bit and trust that everything will work out the way it was supposed to.

Babies are much more resilient than we give them credit for; the moment I stopped and started living a little again, she adapted so nicely, no screaming, and even though she struggles a little bit if she is out of routine, she so enjoys doing something different every now and then. ( I still believe in routine don’t get me wrong, and my baby girl is a bit older now).

We need to realize that our babies will cry, they will eventually throw that supermarket tantrum we have been fearing all our lives, they will get sick, people will judge your parenting, your baby will be unhappy sometimes and that does not mean that you failed, it simply means that life does not always go our way, and thats okay. (Yes that rhymed)

The moment we learn to breathe and take things in stride, life automatically becomes easier, we look at life differently and see opportunities we never would have. It just opens up a whole new world, one I am excited to explore !

Just keep at it, changing the way you live life takes time, constant reminding and a whole lot of patience with yourself.

Motherhood is far from glam

I stay at home with my baby girl, and yesterday it was midday and I glanced at myself in the mirror for the first time that day… and cringed! – What!? Is that really what I look like !

I had a C-Section, and needless to say; my tummy looks and feels horrible. It does not even feel like it is attached to my body some days. In the beginning, after the surgery, I could handle it because it would get better with time, now, 7 months later, it has gotten better but I HATE my body !

It has gotten so bad that it is actually affecting my marriage, and just everything really, clothes shopping is something that I used to LOVE, now I dread it! I even get dressed in the bathroom so that my husband does not see me naked in the light. I know this might seem extreme to some, and it definitely does to my husband (who bless him, still thinks I am gorgeous), but I just don’t feel good about myself.

Isn’t it weird how we can be our own worst critics? No one is harder on someone than you with yourself, on the one hand its good because you should push yourself to be better, but sometimes (like in my case) it becomes a sort of obsession, obsession to look like that woman on TV that your husband stared at, obsession to think that people who walk pass you think “wow she is fat”. When in reality , they don’t even notice you, they are busy battling their own insecurities.

At the end of the day, you always have a decision, I can either hate my body and wallow in self pity, or I can try to do something about it, exercise a little eat a bit healthier, even if the results are not miraculous or amazing, just trying would also make me feel a bit better.

So here is to being happier, and healthier.