Remembering that you were a person before you had kids

So as you all know I am pregnant with my second baby, and I cant even explain all the ways that I underestimated being in my first trimester with a toddler.

My husband is gone this week and the amount of endurance it takes to not throw up while you are dressing your baby for bed – is next level and I kind of feel like a rockstar after that session haha ! Not feeling well while having to still be the best mother you can be, takes effort , and let me tell you something; if you are one of those moms that are going through a tough time and still manage to play with your kids and put a smile on their face , you are one AMAZING mom , and don’t you forget that !

BUT ! Being a good mother sometimes means that you need to know when to put yourself first, never when your child needs you , and not saying that you take your interests above that of your child’s , but in the sense that you know when you need a break, and know that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Recharging for half a day or even a few days with friends does not make you a bad parent, sometimes a few moments for yourself is what resets the clock on your parenting, and gives you renewed, more positive energy for your toddler or your newborn.

Then you get me; I am a stay at home mom and I go into town to do my nails and the usual errands, I don’t have to rush home because my husband and mother in law are looking after Paige. But somehow in town, I feel guilty for not being there, I feel like I need to hurry up because she is my responsibility and not theirs and they have things to do. After which I usually rush everything and head home, only to find that everyone is fine and having fun haha. No one died , no one got hurt.

Although these are all normal “mom” feelings, sometimes it is okay to let go, to let yourself take a few deep breaths and let yourself enjoy something that does not involve being a mother or a wife, just a person, an individual, with interests, dreams and a person who can have grown up intellectual conversations haha.

Practice makes perfect, and that is what it will take to learn to have a balance with this whole motherhood thing, letting yourself have some time without feeling (too) guilty, and to still feel like you are not failing as a mother in doing so.

Being a mother is hard enough as it is, we do not need to drive ourselves crazy (er) by forgetting that we also matter. Take that break ! You deserve it ❤️

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Pregnancy Hormones

I dont even need to give this one a clever worded title, it is what it is, and most of you will understand. If you are one of those “Pregnancy does not affect my mood” people, then I am happy for you, but move along, this post is not for you haha.

I have suffered from intense mood swings with both my pregnancies (currently about 10 weeks pregnant), and it has sucked. Not feeling like yourself emotionally or mentally is worse than not feeling yourself physically (well to me anyway).

Having no control over what you feel makes you feel like you lost all control over everything in your life, you overreact to everything and you know it, and cant stop it . Haha sounds crazy right ? Well it feels crazy !

On the other hand, I must admit that my second pregnancy so far seems to be a little bit better, I feel like I can control my moods a little bit more, whether it is that my body has been through this before, or because I am more mature, I will never know. Maybe it is also because I know what is ahead and am trying to pace myself or prepare myself for what is ahead haha.

We as women go through such an intense time becoming mothers, we loose control over our entire bodies for well more than nine months (including breastfeeding), we go through an intense transformation where we forget completely about ourselves and focus all our attention and affections on this tiny little human that is apart of us. Its overwhelming, its terrifying and it is the most important thing I have ever done with my life, and will ever do.

What we go through is something that no one else will understand until they go through it themselves, and even then; everyone feels different and handles situations differently, learning to respect each other for our differences is what is important.

So lets build women up, because we are rockstars and endure so much for out families.

👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

As my baby takes her first steps

My baby turns one in exactly one week !! And I find myself so emotional and nostalgic about the past year, having your first baby is so so intense on both parents. It changes every single aspect of your life – for the better !!

The first year is full of uncertainty and doubt around every corner, especially if it is your first like with us. The sleepless nights (well that is still there), the constant worrying (okay this is also still ongoing), the doubting (ha okay I will stop now), although I experience all these still on a daily basis, what has improved is my baby blues, my stress is a little less, and most importantly, I have had the privilege to see this little baby turn into a little girl, and that in itself, is reward enough for this roller coaster of a first year of parenting.

My sister once told me that for the first two years you just have to keep them alive, and well, entering toddlerhood, I wish she would have told me that it is not all that easy, they fall, they stumble and they just seem to have a death wish with the things that they attempt to do!

Thinking back, when we first brought her home I couldn’t sleep, mostly because I googled everything before I gave birth, and that made me so so paranoid knowing everything that could go wrong (wow was that exhausting).

It all just made me realize how fleeting motherhood is, I mean, a while year has gone by and sometimes it feels like I haven’t done anything this past year, but then I look at that face and I know I have done sooo much and I am so proud of myself!

So have that party, yes your baby wont remember her first birthday, but its important, for the whole family; to celebrate that first year, because lets face it, we survived !

How becoming a mom has made me apprehensive

I don’t know if it is only me, but since I have become a mother I find myself in these moments where it feels like I cant catch my breath, it is like my mind is constantly racing and I cant relax. Motherhood right !? Lol

My husband seems to think that telling me to relax will do the trick, ha right? Granted, my baby did just get burnt so I am a little on the edge and worried about her like any mom would be, but I do feel like I need to learn how to shut off when the time is right.

There are countless factors that contribute to this “mom anxiety”; the one that I don’t really have anything that occupies my mind or distracts me, I don’t have any family or friends nearby, combine all of this with someone that overthinks EVERYTHING and then give that person a baby = CHAOS!

I am constantly doubting myself, whether she is getting sick, if I am giving her enough stimulation at home, exposing her to enough of the “outside world”, and well, if I am a good mother. I feel like I cant have a few drinks at night because she might wake up crying at any minute and then I am not my best self, which is what she deserves.

After thinking about this for so long and talking it over with other moms, I have finally realized that I am human, which means that I simply cannot be perfect all the time, I cant make the right decisions every single time and I cant be the best mother I can be when I am constantly in my head and overthinking everything, because in the end, that just takes away from the present and all the amazing moments with my family.

Taking a few deep breaths every time I feel overwhelmed or my heartbeat picking up, has really helped me keep things in perspective, and I strongly believe that the mind is a powerful thing, change your mindset and the rest will follow, practice makes perfect.

Constantly living in fear of failing is not living! So here’s to more deep breaths and a different outlook on life. 👌🏻💪🏻

How to keep your exploring baby stimulated

If your 11 month old is anything like mine, they have now officially lost all interest in their toys.

This is such an exciting age for us all, she is becoming more social and now shows you what she wants (it is just too cute for words), she is taking a few steps towards something and she is exploring and learning so much.

This is also a very difficult age for all of us, as she can now reach places she hasn’t before, she goes somewhere by herself, and she is very cranky as her brain is so so busy so she struggles to settle herself when its nap time, she also goes from 0-100 in about a split second with tantrums.

I can see she is struggling with the world around her as she wants to do so much, but just can’t and she doesn’t understand why (hence the tantrums when she cant have my hot cup of coffee)

Being a mom to an almost toddler is so exhausting, you want to watch them every minute so they don’t get hurt (hence my post about my baby’s accident) but you also want to give them the freedom to explore and learn new things by themselves.

For me, keeping het busy during the day was/is such a huge struggle, I let her play with my Tupperware while I cook and she loves playing with the dog food and the bird food. Then I have this random “stuff” basket in my room, with hair stuff, empty boxes and just random trinkets that she loves to play with. She will only play with her toys for a few minutes and if I sit and play with her. I have a toddler swing which she absolutely loves (we put it outside so she can play a bit).

She basically plays with anything and everything in my house that she cant swallow or injure herself with (for the most part anyway).

Other than that she also usually ends up throwing anything and everything down the toilet and my house looks chaotic at the end of the day, but guess what? We had so much fun and I got a lot done and she learned so much during the day , which is a bonus. Doing it all this way is exhausting haha, but it keeps us both busy during the day.

Each baby is so so different so please don’t take this as me telling you what to do, maybe your baby is just as busy and this gives you some advice, or your baby loves her toys and this post makes you laugh haha.

If any of you have any ideas on how you keep your toddler busy, please let me know ? And we can swap war stories ! As you can see I need new ideas 💡

Lets talk marriage

Okay so only moms will know what I am talking about; there is nothing that puts pressure on a marriage like having children !

Especially your first haha, looking back now it is crazy to think how much we fought, and by fought I mean taking everything out on each other, the lack of sleep, the stress from breastfeeding and just being a mom, the very big change in priorities and countless other issues that seemed to have overwhelmed us as new parents.

it changed literally every aspect of our marriage, you see each other differently, that man is the father of my child, and I am the mother of his child, it changes the way you love each other, you share this amazing bond now, and no matter what the future holds for the two of you, you are now always linked by your child, you will always be apart of each others lives.

And to be honest, having a baby takes the romance and mystery out of it all a tiny bit (okay a lot, between the post baby crying and huge pads), and some days you really need to dig deep to find time to be intimate or romantic because you are just so so tired.

But at the end of the day your relationship is stronger for it, we have only been married two years and our baby girl is now turning one, and it feels like we have known each other our whole lives because we have been through so much together in such a short time.

So yes , starting a family puts pressure on a marriage, but you know what they say “diamonds are formed under pressure”.

Don’t give up, you will get date nights again and romantic get aways before you know it!

Dealing with my baby’s accident

So today I want to tell you guys what happened to us yesterday morning. We were in the kitchen doing our thing making coffee and my daughter was standing against the cupboard next to our cleaning lady having so much fun chatting and playing. I looked over to see what she is doing and she is fine so I boil the kettle, within a second from looking away I hear our cleaning lady and my baby start screaming. She kept screaming at me to take Paige’s pants off , then it hit me – she got a hold of something in the cupboard that is now on her leg and burning her.

At this point I must add that I never look in that cupboard since I moved in with my husband , turns out there was a bottle of drain cleaner/acid in the cupboard and the lid was not on properly, she pushed it and it poured all over her .

I picked het up rushed her to the bathroom while yelling at our cleaner to call my husband (luckily we live on the same property as out business), I put her under cold water (which is impossible with a screaming 11 month old that wont hold still because she is just in unbearable pain). My husband came, saw what it was and we grabbed her and decided to go to the hospital.

The problem is that the hospital is 70 kms away from us ! It was the worst 20 minutes (we drove 180kms/h to town) of my life , she was hysterical and so was I , I couldn’t stop shaking and crying and praying. There are just no words to explain the experience to anyone, I even vowed to move because living in the middle of nowhere when there is an emergency is just too scary (not for me, but for my little one).

Luckily we have an amazing doctor in town and we phoned her on the way , she advised us to take her straight to her and she put all the necessary treatment and bandages on, and then we stayed in the hospital for one night to keep an eye on the swelling because we live so far away.

During the stay I was crying so much that the nurses gave me a calming tablet just so that I can function, after that I kept it together quite well and did what I had to do , just focusing on Paige and getting her better and just getting through it.

The moment we got home yesterday it started hitting me , I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep I was just on edge the whole time , then this morning when I saw my mother in-law I just completely broke down.

Every time I close my eyes I could hear her scream, I blamed myself so so much that I felt like it discredited every good thing I have ever done for my daughter, I felt like it was something that was so easily avoidable and I was literally right there ! A few steps away , and it still happened. The “what ifs” in this scenario are endless and blaming yourself is normal , I honestly think if you didn’t you are not a good mother haha. Getting over this guilt is a whole other ballgame, even though every person reminds you that it is not your fault and accidents happen, you are only human and dealing with this “trauma” takes time.

So here is a shoutout to all the moms that feel like they don’t even want to talk about these things because they feel shamed or guilty , I honestly know exactly how you feel . And as for the “time it takes to get over the guilt” ; I will keep you posted on that one lol.

Ps. I am posting a picture of my precious little girl just this once because she is just the strongest little girl ❤️

Picture of the wounds attached

Keep your babies safe ! Time is precious and accidents happen so quickly 🙏🏻