Lets talk marriage

Okay so only moms will know what I am talking about; there is nothing that puts pressure on a marriage like having children !

Especially your first haha, looking back now it is crazy to think how much we fought, and by fought I mean taking everything out on each other, the lack of sleep, the stress from breastfeeding and just being a mom, the very big change in priorities and countless other issues that seemed to have overwhelmed us as new parents.

it changed literally every aspect of our marriage, you see each other differently, that man is the father of my child, and I am the mother of his child, it changes the way you love each other, you share this amazing bond now, and no matter what the future holds for the two of you, you are now always linked by your child, you will always be apart of each others lives.

And to be honest, having a baby takes the romance and mystery out of it all a tiny bit (okay a lot, between the post baby crying and huge pads), and some days you really need to dig deep to find time to be intimate or romantic because you are just so so tired.

But at the end of the day your relationship is stronger for it, we have only been married two years and our baby girl is now turning one, and it feels like we have known each other our whole lives because we have been through so much together in such a short time.

So yes , starting a family puts pressure on a marriage, but you know what they say “diamonds are formed under pressure”.

Don’t give up, you will get date nights again and romantic get aways before you know it!

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How we underestimate small talk

Who has the time right !? We are all so busy and overwhelmed with our own lives and motherhood in general, that it sometimes feels like no one understands what we are going through, we tend to isolate ourselves in our own self made unhappiness.

Well I do anyway, it cant be said for everyone because some people are better at addressing their own issues than others, but I tend to feel like my husband does not get how hard it is to be a full time mom, to live in the middle of nowhere (#farmvibes) and to have no family or friends nearby to vent to when things get too much (because lets face it; they do).

Today I did some self reflection and it came to me; the reality of the situation is that, well, he doesn’t completely understand, nor can anyone. No one can truly know what another person is going through unless they have been through it themselves, and even then; people handle situations differently. So instead of focusing and fighting about something that simply cant be changed, I just sat and had a casual conversation with him. Simple right?

Afterwards, I felt so much lighter, it was the first time in so long that I wasn’t focused on how stressed or overwhelmed I was, I just shifted my focus for a minute and it gave me a whole new perspective on things. Don’t get me wrong, there will be days that I still wallow in it, because I am only human. But I just realized what a difference it makes to not focus all of my attention on the hardships in life, to basically give myself a break from it all, by simply not talking about it.

Value those conversations, and make an effort to talk less and listen more because it makes all the difference.

How my marriage and baby has made me less selfish

Before I met my husband, I lived alone for 7 years. 7 years of doing what I wanted when I wanted, I made the food only I like, I watched the shows only I like, I went to bed whenever I like, and I came home whenever I wanted too.

Marriage

After I met my husband, we moved in together quite quickly as we were doing the long-distance thing and we just missed each other way too much; so after only 6 months of dating we moved in together, a month later we got engaged, 8 months after that we got married and a short 3 months after that we were expecting our precious baby girl. To say we moved fast is an understatement, we just both knew the moment we met each other, that this was it, we were soulmates and why wait.

This short amount of time together did not give either of us much time to adapt to one phase before moving on to the next, so you can imagine that a lot of fighting went on through all these big changes in our lives. For me, the biggest challenge was not being alone anymore, or well, at all!

It might sound silly, but I literally had to learn to now take my husband into consideration when I did things, and it just was not as easy as it sounds. At first, I really struggled to put myself second, my dad always calls it the “I Problem” – which is exactly what it was, I just did not know how to put my own needs second and depend on someone else to meet them.

This was a huge challenge for my husband and I; we had to both learn to be with someone else, and to take each other into consideration, I had to “let” someone be there for me, and share the decision making (which was not easy). This was such a learning curve for me, and we really had to work hard at it; to change little habits and to basically change the way we have both been living before we met.

Then came the biggest change of all. . .

The Arrival of our Precious Baby Girl

I though marriage was a big change, boy was I wrong, having a baby is so intense and places so much pressure on any relationship, and yourself. Being less selfish for my child however, was not hard at all, in fact it came naturally.

The first six months after she was born I didn’t really have any clothes or shoes that fit me properly (you know that awkward phase where your maternity clothes are too big, and your pre-pregnancy clothes are too small) and it didn’t bother me one bit. I had a messy mom bun (let’s not kid ourselves, I still rock it most days), no makeup and slippers where the only item in my closet that actually fit my still very swollen feet.

It is not like I decided that I will be less selfish when I have a baby, it just well, happened the moment she was born. Becoming a mother changed me, don’t get me wrong, my personality is still in tact (thank goodness) and I still like the things I used to like before I got pregnant, its just, its hard to put into words; it is like you are looking at this tiny perfect human, that grew inside of you, and was apart of you for the better part of a year, yet you never got to meet until now, you loved him/her before you even met, and that little bundle is still apart of you, depends on you for everything. It is the most intense feeling in the world, the most intense love I have ever felt in my life.

This is the definition of true love. This love fills your heart and leaves no room for a shred of selfishness.

“For you are wonderfully and fearfully made” – Psalm 139:14

Why it is So Easy to Forget About Your Marriage with a New Baby

Being a mother takes up so much of you , and I didn’t say time , because its more than that , it takes so much emotion and worrying and constant doubting yourself its emotionally draining and so rewarding at the same time ! Its the most beautiful thing in the world ! 🌸

What I tend to forget is that my husband needs to fit in there somewhere, I am so lucky to have a husband that adores me and that craves my attention and actually wants to spend time with me, yet it seems so difficult some days to make time for him as well.

At the end of the day I am so exhausted and drained , especially when she has been difficult, so the moment she goes to bed it feels like I can breathe and take some time for myself and gather my thoughts and recharge for the next day , but the reality is that this is the time I am supposed to spend on my marriage !

Starting a family is life changing , mostly in good ways and little feet bring so much joy into a home, but we tend to overlook how difficult it is for men , I see it in my husband , he does not get the attention he used to , it used to be the two of us against the world ! He loves our daughter dearly , but we always talk about how difficult it is for moms to adapt and forget about the dads.

This has been such a learning curve , for both of us , and I just realized that spending time on your marriage even if you feel dead on your feet is vital, in the end your children leave home and you only have each other , don’t drift apart, all relationships are hard but as long as you stick together through the tough times, the good times are even sweeter !

Angelique

Lets Have The Talk | Post Baby Sex

Talking about sex in general is so uncomfortable for most of us, especially post baby sex.

My husband and I never had any problems in this area until I got pregnant ….

Let me set the background for you ; I was HUGE !!!!! Everything and I mean everything, was swollen , I was uncomfortable , I couldn’t even find a comfortable position to sleep in , so needless to say my usual flexibility was something of the past 🤣

I was also quite moody (although if you ask my husband he would debate the “quite” part) so being intimate was the last thing on my mind and being touched while 7 months pregnant in a 46 degree South African summer was out of the question !

Needless to say we got through this phase with humor and we are even closer for going through this time in our marriage.

Then came our beautiful baby girl , and we were naive enough to believe that our sex life would soon go back to normal , boy were we wrong !

I had a c section so the usual 6 weeks applied before any intimacy, it goes without saying that the first time was everything but sexy 🙈

The weeks that followed came with such hectic baby blues and was just an emotional roller coaster for both of us , being new parents is so much harder than you ever thought it would be, no one can prepare you for it , even if you try mentally before the time , it just does not prepare you for the amount of love and the overwhelming feeling of looking after this tiny baby.

Now, almost 6 months later everything is back to normal , the amount of pressure a baby puts on a marriage is rarely talked about , 2 am crying will most certainly make you turn on each other!!

The good news is that everything goes back to normal , and even better than before , you and your partner get to know each other and get to see a whole new side, some of it bad , but all of it building blocks for a stronger relationship 💜

Being parents is the biggest blessing in the world and seeing your partner with your baby is just the most amazing sight you will ever get to see.

Angelique

Hard Days Are For Growth

Today I am just so emotional and emotionally drained .

My baby girl refused to nap today , she only had 3 20 minute naps in her pram , the WHOLE DAY ! And she is not even 5 months yet , when I put her in her bed she screamed uncontrollably!

Its heartbreaking to say the least , it touches my soul , there is just no other way to explain it , my hands have been sweating the whole day , I’ve cried 3 times already , and then my husband tells me I am uptight today (men right)

But seriously , how intense is this love ? I have always heard that when your child hurts , you hurt , but have never experienced it myself yet , until today that is , everything is just out of wack , I don’t feel like myself , I want to cry all the time !

But I know tomorrow will be better !

Thank goodness I have a blog so that I can offload on all you great listeners 🧡

Angelique

No Woman Has Ever Calmed Down By Being Told To Calm Down

I mean , where have you ever !? 🤣

Please tell me that I am not the only one having these fights ? Those ones that start out disguised as your typical marriage fight and then the words “just calm down” or “its not that bad just calm down” are uttered and suddenly its a whole new ballgame 🙈

But all jokes aside , marriage is HARD people , haha , my husband and I live on the same property as our business , which means we see each other all the time , and its great to have him help with Paige during the day sometimes !

BUT , you can only imagine how much time this gives us to get in each others business and how much time this gives us to pick fights with each other 🤣

And then , when he does go away for a week to go hunting or something , it sucks to be here all alone and not have family or friends nearby , you just cant win ! Haha

When we do move , it will be a hell of an adjustment to not see each other during the day , but I also believe it will do us some good , in so many ways , we each will have our own careers and get to share that at the end of the day , we get to miss each other a little bit you know !?

ps. I am sitting here in Paige’s room writing as she is staring at me from her cot …. sleeping still not going according to plan if anyone was wondering 🤣😫🤫

Angeliqur