How my marriage and baby has made me less selfish

Before I met my husband, I lived alone for 7 years. 7 years of doing what I wanted when I wanted, I made the food only I like, I watched the shows only I like, I went to bed whenever I like, and I came home whenever I wanted too.

Marriage

After I met my husband, we moved in together quite quickly as we were doing the long-distance thing and we just missed each other way too much; so after only 6 months of dating we moved in together, a month later we got engaged, 8 months after that we got married and a short 3 months after that we were expecting our precious baby girl. To say we moved fast is an understatement, we just both knew the moment we met each other, that this was it, we were soulmates and why wait.

This short amount of time together did not give either of us much time to adapt to one phase before moving on to the next, so you can imagine that a lot of fighting went on through all these big changes in our lives. For me, the biggest challenge was not being alone anymore, or well, at all!

It might sound silly, but I literally had to learn to now take my husband into consideration when I did things, and it just was not as easy as it sounds. At first, I really struggled to put myself second, my dad always calls it the “I Problem” – which is exactly what it was, I just did not know how to put my own needs second and depend on someone else to meet them.

This was a huge challenge for my husband and I; we had to both learn to be with someone else, and to take each other into consideration, I had to “let” someone be there for me, and share the decision making (which was not easy). This was such a learning curve for me, and we really had to work hard at it; to change little habits and to basically change the way we have both been living before we met.

Then came the biggest change of all. . .

The Arrival of our Precious Baby Girl

I though marriage was a big change, boy was I wrong, having a baby is so intense and places so much pressure on any relationship, and yourself. Being less selfish for my child however, was not hard at all, in fact it came naturally.

The first six months after she was born I didn’t really have any clothes or shoes that fit me properly (you know that awkward phase where your maternity clothes are too big, and your pre-pregnancy clothes are too small) and it didn’t bother me one bit. I had a messy mom bun (let’s not kid ourselves, I still rock it most days), no makeup and slippers where the only item in my closet that actually fit my still very swollen feet.

It is not like I decided that I will be less selfish when I have a baby, it just well, happened the moment she was born. Becoming a mother changed me, don’t get me wrong, my personality is still in tact (thank goodness) and I still like the things I used to like before I got pregnant, its just, its hard to put into words; it is like you are looking at this tiny perfect human, that grew inside of you, and was apart of you for the better part of a year, yet you never got to meet until now, you loved him/her before you even met, and that little bundle is still apart of you, depends on you for everything. It is the most intense feeling in the world, the most intense love I have ever felt in my life.

This is the definition of true love. This love fills your heart and leaves no room for a shred of selfishness.

“For you are wonderfully and fearfully made” – Psalm 139:14

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Slippers | Mom Brain

Everyone always talks about pregnancy brain , but mom brain is definitely also a thing !

Motherly instinct for me runs so so deep , it even kind off overtakes all the other parts of my brain too , this type of love is just not normal compared to anything else , it’s overwhelming to say the least .

Take me for example , its winter here in South Africa , and I have literally been wearing my slippers for 4 months because my feet are still fat (yes that is a thing) and I just haven’t though of buying myself some shoes that actually fit , I have been to a mall in this time , but somehow I just end up buying thousands of onesies that Paige will grow out of in a weeks time 🤣

Not to mention the worrying , this is INTENSE ! I worry constantly ; is she warm enough , is she too warm , does she have enough blankets , is the monitor working , is the thermometer working, is she sick , what is that spot, that mark wasn’t there yesterday, why isn’t her hair growing, has she eaten enough, is she eating too much, maybe she is too chubby, is she sleeping enough, why has she been sleeping for so long ?

And the list just goes on and on and on …..

I sometimes find myself wondering ; how the hell am I going to survive the next 18 years ? And the next 18 after that ? I don’t think the worrying will ever end , it is a type of love that moves in into every part of your brain , your heart , your soul , your everything !

💜💜

Angelique