Lets talk marriage

Okay so only moms will know what I am talking about; there is nothing that puts pressure on a marriage like having children !

Especially your first haha, looking back now it is crazy to think how much we fought, and by fought I mean taking everything out on each other, the lack of sleep, the stress from breastfeeding and just being a mom, the very big change in priorities and countless other issues that seemed to have overwhelmed us as new parents.

it changed literally every aspect of our marriage, you see each other differently, that man is the father of my child, and I am the mother of his child, it changes the way you love each other, you share this amazing bond now, and no matter what the future holds for the two of you, you are now always linked by your child, you will always be apart of each others lives.

And to be honest, having a baby takes the romance and mystery out of it all a tiny bit (okay a lot, between the post baby crying and huge pads), and some days you really need to dig deep to find time to be intimate or romantic because you are just so so tired.

But at the end of the day your relationship is stronger for it, we have only been married two years and our baby girl is now turning one, and it feels like we have known each other our whole lives because we have been through so much together in such a short time.

So yes , starting a family puts pressure on a marriage, but you know what they say “diamonds are formed under pressure”.

Don’t give up, you will get date nights again and romantic get aways before you know it!

Advertisements

How to deal with those sneaky insecure mom moments

My baby is going through a phase where she only wants her dad, she is happy with me during the day, but the moment she sees her dad she starts crying and only wants him, she even cries when he puts her down. Its intense ! In my opinion I think she is having separation anxiety, but with him and not with me, because well, I never leave, I am a stay at home mom and she never had sleepovers at grandparents or family. So it is safe to say that there is no need for her to miss me haha.

In a way, this makes me sad. I feel like (at the risk of sounding like a child) sad. Like she does not want me and I am her mother. I feel like I do all the hard work with her, I force her to have medicine and change her and puts her to bed etc. and then she still likes him more because he is the “fun” one, he plays with her and does all the nice things.

I think all mothers feel like this, regardless of the “daddy’s girl cliche”, being a mother is something that takes over your whole world, your children are your whole world, and when your children don’t show that back to you, you tend to feel a bit hurt, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

This is new territory for me, I am not an insecure person and I don’t overthink everything ( well mostly haha), and it was so hard to accept that this is the way I feel about it; sad. A few days passed and I finally gained some perspective (as with everything, time heals all wounds), how amazing is it that my husband spends so much time with our little girl, and that he is such a great father that she wants to be with him and not just me.

Sometimes getting some distance from an issue makes all the difference in the world, and things don’t seem so bad and you can see the silver lining so to speak.

Lets all take a breath and realize that we don’t need to put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom, to me, he fact that she wanted her dad and not me made me feel like I am not doing a good job, which simply is not true. It is okay to accept help, and not be alone in all of this, whether it is a husband, partner, grandmother, friend or nanny. And your child liking someone else more in a certain moment does not make you any less of a great mother ❤️

Learning how to have fun with motherhood

When I think back on the first few months after my baby girl was born , I think what a waste ! What a waste all that stressing was for and the anxiety, instead of just enjoying every minute of it. It took me so long to adjust to being a mother that I missed out on half the journey. I think it is all part of being a first time mom, I don’t think there is a woman on earth that did not feel overwhelmed the first time she brought her little one home.

As the months went by, I slowly learned to not be so hard on myself (and my poor husband) and to just breathe through the difficult times. And most importantly; I learned how to have fun whilst doing it.

I always felt so overwhelmed that I thought there was no time in the day to do something that I enjoy, I soon realized that this was just an excuse. The moment I made an effort, things started to change for me, I now write while I sit on the floor and play with her (master multitasker right!?), its not easy, and a post takes me twice as long, but I am doing it.

We need to realize the importance of doing something different, something other than being a wife/partner and a mother, we need to do something that makes us feel like an individual again, it just gives you the little break that you need to carry on with what the day holds.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, we too often feel like asking for help means that you are not coping with being a mother and that you have failed, that is just not true, and don’t let anyone make you feel like that. Older people always tend to tell me “I had no help whatsoever and raised four kids”- well, well done , but that simply does not mean anything to me, I promise you that their recollection of something that happened 30 years ago is a bit embellished, and that does not mean that you now have to do the same or compare.

Take that break, have fun, have fun with your baby, each little giggle is worth all the dishes in the world, it can wait, all of it can, because at the end of the day, life is too short, so don’t live your life trying to live up to an ideal that is probably fabricated in the first place.

How we underestimate small talk

Who has the time right !? We are all so busy and overwhelmed with our own lives and motherhood in general, that it sometimes feels like no one understands what we are going through, we tend to isolate ourselves in our own self made unhappiness.

Well I do anyway, it cant be said for everyone because some people are better at addressing their own issues than others, but I tend to feel like my husband does not get how hard it is to be a full time mom, to live in the middle of nowhere (#farmvibes) and to have no family or friends nearby to vent to when things get too much (because lets face it; they do).

Today I did some self reflection and it came to me; the reality of the situation is that, well, he doesn’t completely understand, nor can anyone. No one can truly know what another person is going through unless they have been through it themselves, and even then; people handle situations differently. So instead of focusing and fighting about something that simply cant be changed, I just sat and had a casual conversation with him. Simple right?

Afterwards, I felt so much lighter, it was the first time in so long that I wasn’t focused on how stressed or overwhelmed I was, I just shifted my focus for a minute and it gave me a whole new perspective on things. Don’t get me wrong, there will be days that I still wallow in it, because I am only human. But I just realized what a difference it makes to not focus all of my attention on the hardships in life, to basically give myself a break from it all, by simply not talking about it.

Value those conversations, and make an effort to talk less and listen more because it makes all the difference.

To the stay at home mom

I am the first to admit that quitting my job and staying home full time with my baby sounded awesome, how lucky am I to be in that position to spend all my time with her ? Although that part is true, I was underestimating the whole thing !

I am 11 months in and I have never , NEVER, been this tired ! Granted, she is entering toddler stage as I write this (please keep me in your prayers haha), but it is such hard work, those peaceful ALONE bathroom breaks I used to take at work is enough to make me want to go back to work.

It never ends, and that is what people don’t get. There is this “idea” out there that if you stay at home with your kids you must have so much time on your hands – “what do you do with all your time”; is enough to make a mom want to slap you in the face (sorry for the aggression lol , but we all know it).

I always hate when in the movies the stay at home moms go to pilates and coffee dates with their prams all day – uh hallo ? Does your baby just casually sleep the whole day ?! I mean what ?. It is such a cliche and that is why people think it is such a laidback lifestyle. Where in reality – if you get to put your make up on in the day it means that you had a little “me time”.

So to all the stay at home moms out there – salute ! You are as strong as they come and don’t let anyone tell you different!

You ARE mom enough

Wow the past few days have been tough !!!! I felt like a failure as a mother, a wife, and just in general. My baby is going through well, something haha, I am never 100% sure what.

Everything I seem to do with her upsets her; getting dressed, wiping her face, feeding her, putting her down, carrying her, and looking at her. I do know its a phase, but wow its getting me under these past few days. It’s exhausting, and its something you cant understand until you go through it yourself.

She is at that age where she wants to do way more than she is capable, and she does not understand why she cant reach the dog bowl from her walker, which results in relentless crying and stomping until I take her out and let her have it. I know I know I am spoiling her, but at this point I just cant be bothered as long as the crying stops.

Its very easy to go to that dark place and think ;”boy I am really not good at this”, you look at other moms and you think they got it all figured out and they are so put together. When you have days where showering feels like you conquered the world. The truth is, they also have struggles and that I can promise you ! If you get up every morning and do your best, put your child’s needs before your own and teach your child to be a good and kind person by being one, then you are mom enough !

That is all you need to do, my sister once told me “up until 2 years old all you have to do is keep them alive” haha , that still makes me feel better when I have days where it feels like that is all I did.

Give yourself a break, learn to look for the humor in tough situations and tell yourself that you are awesome more than once a day! Because by being a mom, you automatically are !

How time makes you a stronger parent

When my husband and I first brought our baby girl home, I remember how sore our warms used to be for days, from holding her and breastfeeding (she only weighed 2,95 kilos), now she weighs 10 kilos and we cary her around a lot (she is in that clingy phase where she wants to get picked up ALL THE TIME) and yet our arms don’t get sore quickly anymore, in-fact, I even get a few things done around the house while carrying her.

And that is what motherhood does to you, it makes you stronger, selfless and oh so much more motivated in life. When something happens in your personal or work life that upsets you or throws you a curveball, having a baby teaches you to just get through it, you cant sit in a corner and feel sorry for yourself, because your baby still needs attention and sleep and food and and. There is no time to take to mope around or to wallow. You get up and you push through it.

Sleep is another example, for the first 9 months I struggled so much without a proper night’s sleep, now , I don’t really mind, I get up at night and I am okay, I am not even moody anymore, I think I have maybe just admitted defeat. Haha

Being a mother changes your life ! And it is such a blessing to be able to have a little human. And being stronger for it, Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we raise them and may we be them. 🙏🏻❤️