Parenting – What is happening ?

I have been asking myself this question multiple times a day for the last year (my baby is a year haha), and I know I am not alone on this one. In one of my previous posts I shared with you guys about my baby girl’s burns, and we have finally come to to the end, at the doc today they shared the good news that her bandages can come off in three days (Thank You Jesus). Then we get hit with an ear infection. At that moment every mom just feels defeated, even just for a minute, here we are, we spent 4 weeks in bandages and screaming and a very unhappy little girl, and its all about to change, then the universe throws you a “nope just kidding” move and its all out the window.

Worse part is that I have always kind off thought that she has a good immune system, yet, despite all my efforts (and I mean it all) she has been on antibiotics 4 times in one year already (her first year of life might I add). Life with a baby is so unpredictable, the one day they eat so well and you feel like super mom and the next she spits out the exact same piece of corn she so loved yesterday.

There are ten thousand books out there on how to do all of this, and most of it wont apply to your baby. Thats the saddest part of all of this, so much sound advice out there, but your baby hates it all for some reason. I see it all as more of a “suggestion” than rules to live by. Each person thinks that they have it all figured out at some point, the reality is that it all changes so quickly. My baby still does not sleep through, and we have tried it ALL. She eats (well sometimes) she is happy during the day and has enough naps for the right amount of time , she plays enough. “Technically” there is nothing wrong, and no reason why she is not sleeping through the night yet.

Only to come to the conclusion that maybe she just does not like to sleep , ever though of that ?! Haha. Maybe she just has FOMO ? Who knows, all I know is that we have let it all go, we are just happy that she is healthy and smiling and enjoying life – which is all that matters !

At the end of the day, instead of pressuring both you and baby to fit into this “ideal world”, throw that book away, seriously ! Parenting is so hard already, you do not need some book (or person) telling you that everything you are doing is wrong . That book has no motherly instinct and definitely does not know you baby or your family.

I am not saying don’t ask for help, and there are legitimate experts out there that has the best advice, I am just saying that being a parent should be fun in-between all the stress and the hormones, just because you don’t live up to some book does not mean you are not doing it right.

You just be the best you ! The best mom you can be ! Because it is enough ❤️

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What NOT To Do With Your Baby

So, although I cannot give you advice on exactly what to do, because I am still figuring things out myself, I can however tell you what NOT to do!

Your Home Life

Nothing in this world can prepare you for being a parent, I don’t care what anyone says, helping a sibling or a family member with their baby will maybe make you used to the idea of a baby and give you some helpful tips even, but in no way will it give you a taste of what it feels like when that little bundle is yours.

No book in the world will explain to you how YOUR baby is feeling and why, yes, it has been put together by experts, but it is the general rule, and not always specific to your baby, I have read so many things and then I think “what? Why is my baby not doing this?” – This is the biggest downfall for new parents, books tell you when what milestone should be reached and how much your baby should be eating, and most of the times this is right, but sometimes it just is not, and this immediately sends us into a state of panic.
Listening to how other people raise their children is also a “no no” , how people raise their children reflects their personalities, their home life and their values, therefore, doing what you see from other people will most probably not work for you, because, well, you are different, you are an individual and your personality and values might not be the same.

And Finally, the most important one; do not, I repeat, do not compare yourself to other moms, this will most certainly drive you insane, and it most certainly has for me, the problem when looking at other moms is you see what they call the “highlight real”, you come over for dinner, and the whole family is on their best behavior, because let’s face it, that’s what we all do. What you don’t see, is that they also fight over who must do the dishes, the mom also locks herself in a closet to cry (a bit extreme but it happens) and the dad is not always the perfect husband you see at dinner.

Some people are just more open about their struggles, to me, these are the best kind of people, they make you feel like you are not alone, like you are not as crazy as you though, and not always overreacting as per your husband’s opinion.
Find these people and stick to them like glue, they are the mom friends that you want by your side on days that you feel you cannot cope, or you just had enough.

Google is the Enemy

Wow, where do we even start on this one?

If you haven’t yet googled “How to get my baby to sleep” stop reading because this post is not for you; the results on this is so confusing and contradicting that it would leave even the most confident mom second guessing herself.

Sleep deprivation is torture, it affects every aspect of your life, it’s just intense!
Google is helpful in the sense that you can find information online at any time of the day or night, there are thousands of “how to” videos, and I myself have watched a few videos on swaddling and latching that were quite helpful.

But overall, you see information and tips that just do not work for your baby, and then you are left overwhelmed once again, with no way out.

Motherly instinct is the best go to you can get, become confident mom! And trust your gut, 9 out of 10 times it is right, the other time your baby was most likely just not feeling well or just having an off day – which happens, if you think about it, your baby is also an individual, and just like we have off days, they do too, they just can tell you how they are feeling.

Most days you end up just winging it!

Fed is Best

This is such a sensitive topic, and I am almost scared to write about it, but here goes!
I personally tried to breastfeed, and did for 7 weeks, unfortunately due to circumstances, my supply dried up after trying everything under the sun, there could be a million reasons for why what when and where, but that’s just what happened, and I ended up giving my little girl formula.

This was so intense for me, as it felt like I failed her and that I am not doing what is best for my baby, but at the end of the day, do what is best for you, there are so many moms out there that will tell you that you are a bad mother for choosing to formula feed.
Don’t you dare listen to them, we place enough pressure on ourselves to be perfect mothers, we do not need added stress to any situation, it is your life, and you do what is best and what suits you guys better. You are still a good mother!

We need to stop mom shaming each other, what I don’t understand is that these women are also moms, they were even once first-time moms, and know how hard is to adjust and to get into a routine that suits your family and your lifestyle, adding to this is not only mean, but unnecessary.

To the moms out there that are struggling with all these things, hang in there, keep doing what you are doing, and it will all get easier soon.

This too shall pass.

Angelique

Baby Sense

So in South Africa , a book was published called “baby sense”; this book basically discusses stimulation and overstimulation in babies and what not to do.

The book revolves around specific allowed awake times for each age , as well as the usual dark room, limited playtime, and the “put your baby to sleep drowsy but awake”.

Although this book has helped a lot with establishing sleep patterns , Paige is 4 months old now , and according to the book she is only allowed to stay awake for 90 minutes between naps.

HAHA …. that just does not work for her , she sometimes stays awake for 2 hours or only half an hour between naps , and I have tried EVERYTHING to try and stick to that 90 minutes .

This to me just proves once again that every baby is different and every mom is different, and what works for the one does not work for the other one .

This is especially confusing for new mothers , because we tend to take any advice where we can to prepare ourselves and when it doesn’t work; we immediately think that it must be us that is doing something wrong.

Don’t get me wrong , I still do everything I read and ask what other mothers did , but I guess what changed for me was that; if it didn’t work , I knew it wasn’t something I am doing wrong or that I am failing as a mother , my baby is just different 👌🏻

I find it amazing how mothers tend to stick together , you can go up to a mother in a supermarket and ask her something and she will just be so helpful and give advice freely ! I find this new community I am apart of amazing ! 💜

So to all the mommies out there struggling , keep on keeping on !

Angelique