Lets talk marriage

Okay so only moms will know what I am talking about; there is nothing that puts pressure on a marriage like having children !

Especially your first haha, looking back now it is crazy to think how much we fought, and by fought I mean taking everything out on each other, the lack of sleep, the stress from breastfeeding and just being a mom, the very big change in priorities and countless other issues that seemed to have overwhelmed us as new parents.

it changed literally every aspect of our marriage, you see each other differently, that man is the father of my child, and I am the mother of his child, it changes the way you love each other, you share this amazing bond now, and no matter what the future holds for the two of you, you are now always linked by your child, you will always be apart of each others lives.

And to be honest, having a baby takes the romance and mystery out of it all a tiny bit (okay a lot, between the post baby crying and huge pads), and some days you really need to dig deep to find time to be intimate or romantic because you are just so so tired.

But at the end of the day your relationship is stronger for it, we have only been married two years and our baby girl is now turning one, and it feels like we have known each other our whole lives because we have been through so much together in such a short time.

So yes , starting a family puts pressure on a marriage, but you know what they say “diamonds are formed under pressure”.

Don’t give up, you will get date nights again and romantic get aways before you know it!

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Dealing with my baby’s accident

So today I want to tell you guys what happened to us yesterday morning. We were in the kitchen doing our thing making coffee and my daughter was standing against the cupboard next to our cleaning lady having so much fun chatting and playing. I looked over to see what she is doing and she is fine so I boil the kettle, within a second from looking away I hear our cleaning lady and my baby start screaming. She kept screaming at me to take Paige’s pants off , then it hit me – she got a hold of something in the cupboard that is now on her leg and burning her.

At this point I must add that I never look in that cupboard since I moved in with my husband , turns out there was a bottle of drain cleaner/acid in the cupboard and the lid was not on properly, she pushed it and it poured all over her .

I picked het up rushed her to the bathroom while yelling at our cleaner to call my husband (luckily we live on the same property as out business), I put her under cold water (which is impossible with a screaming 11 month old that wont hold still because she is just in unbearable pain). My husband came, saw what it was and we grabbed her and decided to go to the hospital.

The problem is that the hospital is 70 kms away from us ! It was the worst 20 minutes (we drove 180kms/h to town) of my life , she was hysterical and so was I , I couldn’t stop shaking and crying and praying. There are just no words to explain the experience to anyone, I even vowed to move because living in the middle of nowhere when there is an emergency is just too scary (not for me, but for my little one).

Luckily we have an amazing doctor in town and we phoned her on the way , she advised us to take her straight to her and she put all the necessary treatment and bandages on, and then we stayed in the hospital for one night to keep an eye on the swelling because we live so far away.

During the stay I was crying so much that the nurses gave me a calming tablet just so that I can function, after that I kept it together quite well and did what I had to do , just focusing on Paige and getting her better and just getting through it.

The moment we got home yesterday it started hitting me , I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep I was just on edge the whole time , then this morning when I saw my mother in-law I just completely broke down.

Every time I close my eyes I could hear her scream, I blamed myself so so much that I felt like it discredited every good thing I have ever done for my daughter, I felt like it was something that was so easily avoidable and I was literally right there ! A few steps away , and it still happened. The “what ifs” in this scenario are endless and blaming yourself is normal , I honestly think if you didn’t you are not a good mother haha. Getting over this guilt is a whole other ballgame, even though every person reminds you that it is not your fault and accidents happen, you are only human and dealing with this “trauma” takes time.

So here is a shoutout to all the moms that feel like they don’t even want to talk about these things because they feel shamed or guilty , I honestly know exactly how you feel . And as for the “time it takes to get over the guilt” ; I will keep you posted on that one lol.

Ps. I am posting a picture of my precious little girl just this once because she is just the strongest little girl ❤️

Picture of the wounds attached

Keep your babies safe ! Time is precious and accidents happen so quickly 🙏🏻

How to deal with those sneaky insecure mom moments

My baby is going through a phase where she only wants her dad, she is happy with me during the day, but the moment she sees her dad she starts crying and only wants him, she even cries when he puts her down. Its intense ! In my opinion I think she is having separation anxiety, but with him and not with me, because well, I never leave, I am a stay at home mom and she never had sleepovers at grandparents or family. So it is safe to say that there is no need for her to miss me haha.

In a way, this makes me sad. I feel like (at the risk of sounding like a child) sad. Like she does not want me and I am her mother. I feel like I do all the hard work with her, I force her to have medicine and change her and puts her to bed etc. and then she still likes him more because he is the “fun” one, he plays with her and does all the nice things.

I think all mothers feel like this, regardless of the “daddy’s girl cliche”, being a mother is something that takes over your whole world, your children are your whole world, and when your children don’t show that back to you, you tend to feel a bit hurt, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

This is new territory for me, I am not an insecure person and I don’t overthink everything ( well mostly haha), and it was so hard to accept that this is the way I feel about it; sad. A few days passed and I finally gained some perspective (as with everything, time heals all wounds), how amazing is it that my husband spends so much time with our little girl, and that he is such a great father that she wants to be with him and not just me.

Sometimes getting some distance from an issue makes all the difference in the world, and things don’t seem so bad and you can see the silver lining so to speak.

Lets all take a breath and realize that we don’t need to put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom, to me, he fact that she wanted her dad and not me made me feel like I am not doing a good job, which simply is not true. It is okay to accept help, and not be alone in all of this, whether it is a husband, partner, grandmother, friend or nanny. And your child liking someone else more in a certain moment does not make you any less of a great mother ❤️

Learning how to have fun with motherhood

When I think back on the first few months after my baby girl was born , I think what a waste ! What a waste all that stressing was for and the anxiety, instead of just enjoying every minute of it. It took me so long to adjust to being a mother that I missed out on half the journey. I think it is all part of being a first time mom, I don’t think there is a woman on earth that did not feel overwhelmed the first time she brought her little one home.

As the months went by, I slowly learned to not be so hard on myself (and my poor husband) and to just breathe through the difficult times. And most importantly; I learned how to have fun whilst doing it.

I always felt so overwhelmed that I thought there was no time in the day to do something that I enjoy, I soon realized that this was just an excuse. The moment I made an effort, things started to change for me, I now write while I sit on the floor and play with her (master multitasker right!?), its not easy, and a post takes me twice as long, but I am doing it.

We need to realize the importance of doing something different, something other than being a wife/partner and a mother, we need to do something that makes us feel like an individual again, it just gives you the little break that you need to carry on with what the day holds.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, we too often feel like asking for help means that you are not coping with being a mother and that you have failed, that is just not true, and don’t let anyone make you feel like that. Older people always tend to tell me “I had no help whatsoever and raised four kids”- well, well done , but that simply does not mean anything to me, I promise you that their recollection of something that happened 30 years ago is a bit embellished, and that does not mean that you now have to do the same or compare.

Take that break, have fun, have fun with your baby, each little giggle is worth all the dishes in the world, it can wait, all of it can, because at the end of the day, life is too short, so don’t live your life trying to live up to an ideal that is probably fabricated in the first place.

Sick babies make for paranoid moms

Having a sick baby is no joke, they cant tell you whats wrong, and you end up second guessing every symptom because maybe you are overreacting. Its emotionally draining, you end up actually feeling relieved when the doctor says that something is wrong because now you don’t feel like that paranoid mom you swore you would never be.

I never thought that my whole world would stop when someone is sick haha, don’t get me wrong, when my husband is sick I also worry and take care of him (as he does for me) but I don’t stay awake at night worrying if he is too cold or has a fever or is uncomfortable (the list goes on and on).

When my baby is sick it is the exact opposite, I find myself worrying constantly; should I take her to the doctor, should I go check is she is okay. Its like it takes over everything for a few days and all else seems to fade into the background, and once its over, it is as if I was also sick.

Being a mother brings out a side to me that I never knew existed, in fact, it sort of creates a new side to a person, that will only be revealed once you become a mother.

Its scary actually, to love this much ! There are no words to describe it, when they hurt, we hurt! I am lying in bed wide awake wondering if she is okay, all while knowing that I will feel like this for the rest of my life. Its wonderful and oh so daunting at the same time.

How we underestimate small talk

Who has the time right !? We are all so busy and overwhelmed with our own lives and motherhood in general, that it sometimes feels like no one understands what we are going through, we tend to isolate ourselves in our own self made unhappiness.

Well I do anyway, it cant be said for everyone because some people are better at addressing their own issues than others, but I tend to feel like my husband does not get how hard it is to be a full time mom, to live in the middle of nowhere (#farmvibes) and to have no family or friends nearby to vent to when things get too much (because lets face it; they do).

Today I did some self reflection and it came to me; the reality of the situation is that, well, he doesn’t completely understand, nor can anyone. No one can truly know what another person is going through unless they have been through it themselves, and even then; people handle situations differently. So instead of focusing and fighting about something that simply cant be changed, I just sat and had a casual conversation with him. Simple right?

Afterwards, I felt so much lighter, it was the first time in so long that I wasn’t focused on how stressed or overwhelmed I was, I just shifted my focus for a minute and it gave me a whole new perspective on things. Don’t get me wrong, there will be days that I still wallow in it, because I am only human. But I just realized what a difference it makes to not focus all of my attention on the hardships in life, to basically give myself a break from it all, by simply not talking about it.

Value those conversations, and make an effort to talk less and listen more because it makes all the difference.

To the stay at home mom

I am the first to admit that quitting my job and staying home full time with my baby sounded awesome, how lucky am I to be in that position to spend all my time with her ? Although that part is true, I was underestimating the whole thing !

I am 11 months in and I have never , NEVER, been this tired ! Granted, she is entering toddler stage as I write this (please keep me in your prayers haha), but it is such hard work, those peaceful ALONE bathroom breaks I used to take at work is enough to make me want to go back to work.

It never ends, and that is what people don’t get. There is this “idea” out there that if you stay at home with your kids you must have so much time on your hands – “what do you do with all your time”; is enough to make a mom want to slap you in the face (sorry for the aggression lol , but we all know it).

I always hate when in the movies the stay at home moms go to pilates and coffee dates with their prams all day – uh hallo ? Does your baby just casually sleep the whole day ?! I mean what ?. It is such a cliche and that is why people think it is such a laidback lifestyle. Where in reality – if you get to put your make up on in the day it means that you had a little “me time”.

So to all the stay at home moms out there – salute ! You are as strong as they come and don’t let anyone tell you different!