Overcoming Your Mom Insecurities

Where do we even start on this one?

All moms, whether you are a new mom or not, have insecurities, we all feel, at one point or another that we are lacking in some departments. My insecurities as a mother stretch far and wide , so much so that I sometimes feel like a basket case.

The Struggle

For me personally, I am petrified of not having a good relationship with my daughter when she is older, which is a lot of pressure to put on a 6 month old (ha ha), I am constantly doubting myself, whether I am making the right choices for her, or buying the best product for her, I place so much pressure on myself to do things right, that I forget to have patience with myself and give myself the room to still make mistakes, even though I am trying to be a good mother, I am still human at the end of the day.

But saying it does not make it so (as many of you know), I am so sensitive of the subject, that if someone just jokingly points something out, I get offense immediately, instead of just taking it in stride and brushing it off. I will think about it for weeks on end after it has been said, and it would even keep me up at night. It sounds ridiculous, but this used to be my life, and it was so difficult to focus on other things during the day, there just is not enough space in a brain to harbor all thoughts and incidents throughout life, at the end of the day, we need to throw out the bad and keep the good, not just for ourselves, but also for the relationships in our lives.

Thoughts are very powerful, and it can take the joy out of everything, once you harbor a negative thought for too long, it grows, and because we keep it inside, it seems to become such a big issue the longer we keep it inside for no real reason, being caught in this loop is no joke, and can be difficult to get out of.

The Change of Perspective

At the end of the day, what does it matter what people think of the way you raise your child? Life is funny like that; no matter what you do, or where you do it, someone will always have an opinion about it, someone will always disagree with what you are doing, even if you are 100% sure of your decision. Accepting this is liberating, in the way that you no longer mind when someone gives an opinion, you nod and move on with your life without giving it another thought.

This mind set however does not happen overnight, it takes practice. Every time something or someone upsets you by forcing an opinion down your throat, instead of thinking on it for weeks on end, you make a conscious decision to put it aside and not think about it again, every time it pops up (because lets face it, you are only human) you do the same, this is like teaching your brain to think differently. This type of “re-wiring” takes time and effort, but trust me, the results are worth it.

This is not a fool proof plan, it just makes you stress less over things that should not be taking up time in your thoughts. Raise your baby the way you want to, and what you feel is best for your child and your family. Do not let things like mom shaming and old traditional opinions cloud the joy of being a first time mom.

You Got This !

 

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The little things you do for your children matter!

That little kiss on the forehead before bed, those little cuddles on the couch; it might seem like little things, but they make all the difference to your baby.

We hear it a lot – You can make mistakes with them now because thank goodness they don’t remember their infant days, although this might be true regarding mistakes you have made, they most certainly do remember how they were treated by their parents and people around them.

Love & Attention

They may not be able to recall a specific incident, but their first days on earth lay the foundation for the future, how they will react to certain situations, how they will treat other people, their relationships, confidence etc. When you bring a new baby home, you don’t focus on these things, all you focus on is getting through the next day, and the next milestone, but we forget the in-between is just as important for the big picture.

Taking a few moments each day just to appreciate your baby and to spend time with him/her makes the biggest difference; giving little neck kisses or little tickles and hearing your baby giggle; is the most rewarding thing about being a mother, it brings you so much joy!

Childhood

I for one did not have the best childhood, I know my parents did their best with what life threw at them, and I am grateful, but being a mother now I look at things a little differently, I realize little issues I have and why (true I have a psychology background so I can pinpoint these easier than most, but every person can look back on their childhood and realize where what went wrong).

I am adamant that we go through all these experiences to make it right, or at the very least gain some perspective as to what our parents went through, and have more sympathy towards the issues they had to face when we were children, at the time, we did not realize how big these situations were, but now as parents, we can relate to them more, and sympathize more. I might get some blow back on this one, but to me; being a parent entails protecting your child (for as long as possible) from the ugliness of the world, the sad the bad and the traumatic (as best we can).

Feelings Come Second

When you are pregnant, you are excited, you think of the little toes and fingers and you can’t wait to meet your new little human, and all will be right in the world. The fact of the matter is, although this is very true, you will need to make countless sacrifices for your child (or ought to make for them), whatever you are going through in life, these emotions and feelings need to be buried deep inside so that your children are not affected by this; this is extremely hard in some cases, locking your feelings away for later takes so much strength and I don’t think we get enough credit for doing this, people just expect it of a mothers, it’s a given, therefore you are not allowed to say that it is hard to put yourself second sometimes.

Well it is, but at the same time, it is a privilege to be able to protect your child from all the hardships in life while they are little, making sacrifices for your child is what makes them into amazing adults, it ensure that your child stays a child while they should and do not get burdened with “adult problems” before they have to, life is short, their time will come way too soon to be an adult and they will have plenty of their own dilemmas to deal with. Don’t make this start earlier than it needs to for them.

Life Changes

Making a decision to move somewhere for a better school district or a bigger house, a safer neighborhood, we all do it for our children, it is a huge change, change is scary and uncertain, yet we do it for our children because you want them to have the best possible chance to do anything they want with their lives.

These decisions are not made lightly and cause so many disagreements between husband and wife, the reality of it is that we make daily decisions to ensure that our children are happy and safe and some of them are despite of ourselves and our goals in life but will make all the difference to your child in the future.

The Future

Although your children will not always know about the sacrifices you made as parents for them, they will most certainly reap the rewards, time spent with them, and as a family will forever be apart of who they are, and how they will treat their own families, sacrifices made for a better future for them will show in how they take on life, and what they choose to do with challenges and how they handle change. Setting an example for your children in all these areas may seem like little things, but they are the things that will make them into amazing adults you can be proud of.

Well done for putting your child first, for creating a better future for them and giving them your best selves.

It is hard someday, but you are rocking it!

Here’s to raising amazing little humans.

3 Tips for traveling with your baby

Traveling with a baby is no small task, it takes careful planning, timing, and a whole lot of patience.

We live quite far from most places, my family, and any major city for that matter, we are about 500 km’s from Johannesburg, which is the closes city to us. Which means, that we must travel quite far and often to see my family and to do some much-needed baby shopping.

My baby girl is used to far trips by now (she is 6 months old), the day we brought her home from the hospital was a three-and-a-half-hour trip, and she has been to see her grandparents and godparents on numerous occasions, and yet, she still struggles with the distance sometimes.

There is no set way to make traveling easier on your baby, every baby is so different, some are just naturally good travelers, while others (no matter how often they travel) just struggle no matter what.

From my experience so far, I came up with some tips that works for us, and maybe for other moms out there that have tried everything else to date;

Timing

Timing, as with everything in life, is everything! Wait too long and your baby is overtired, leave too early and your baby is too excited and gets over stimulated and again – overtired.

For us, leaving when she needs to have her nap has worked wonders for us, she is already drowsy, and we put her in the car, and once we move, within minutes, she sleeps. The constant rhythm of the driving then also makes her sleep longer and she is happy when she wakes up, and we don’t struggle to get her to have her next nap later.

However, life happens, and this type of punctuality is just not always possible, and Murphy’s law will most certainly also ensure that this is not always possible no matter how prepared you think you may be.

The only thing you can do, is give yourself and your baby about half an hour to play around with, this way, he/she is not overtired yet and you don’t have to rush to get on the road.

Bathroom Breaks

For your sanity, don’t rush to your destination, leave early enough so that you have some time to stop along the way, your baby’s body gets sore from being in the same position for long and they get irritated if they cant get up and move around a little bit, which will make your trip feel so much longer (we have tried to just stick it out and get there, but oh boy it just does not work).

Giving yourself and your baby, a break is essential, take him/her out the car and just walk around for a few minutes, do a diaper change and some food if needed, and then continue.

Stay Overnight

Staying over night gives you and your baby a break before heading back again, and a well deserved rest!

Although, finances and well, life, does not always make this possible, so if you need to head back the same day – may the gods be with you.

There is no set way to do this, traveling with a baby is daunting, and quite stressful (even though we do it quite often, it still stresses me out because you never know in what mood your baby is going to be, are they going to eat well, and take naps and be happy once you arrive). It really is a gamble, and every baby is different! Try different things until you find a way that suits you and your baby the best, but don’t let traveling be too scary that you end up staying at home, getting away a little bit, whether it be to see family or friends, or on a holiday; does everyone the world of good.

Babies get stimulated by a new environment, and usually benefits from the general mood of a holiday as everyone is more relaxed.

Safe Travels

Angelique & Paige

 

Why it is So Easy to Forget About Your Marriage with a New Baby

Being a mother takes up so much of you , and I didn’t say time , because its more than that , it takes so much emotion and worrying and constant doubting yourself its emotionally draining and so rewarding at the same time ! Its the most beautiful thing in the world ! 🌸

What I tend to forget is that my husband needs to fit in there somewhere, I am so lucky to have a husband that adores me and that craves my attention and actually wants to spend time with me, yet it seems so difficult some days to make time for him as well.

At the end of the day I am so exhausted and drained , especially when she has been difficult, so the moment she goes to bed it feels like I can breathe and take some time for myself and gather my thoughts and recharge for the next day , but the reality is that this is the time I am supposed to spend on my marriage !

Starting a family is life changing , mostly in good ways and little feet bring so much joy into a home, but we tend to overlook how difficult it is for men , I see it in my husband , he does not get the attention he used to , it used to be the two of us against the world ! He loves our daughter dearly , but we always talk about how difficult it is for moms to adapt and forget about the dads.

This has been such a learning curve , for both of us , and I just realized that spending time on your marriage even if you feel dead on your feet is vital, in the end your children leave home and you only have each other , don’t drift apart, all relationships are hard but as long as you stick together through the tough times, the good times are even sweeter !

Angelique

Being a Mother is Like a Roller Coaster Ride

I am a first time mom , so that in itself already tells you that I am a bit all over the place , with well everything 🤣

But what gets to me is the fact that I feel like as soon as I figure the one thing out , the next thing hits me … and I have no clue what to do again.

Motherhood right !?

It is like she is just making sure I am still paying attention to her .

We just finished the most intense two weeks with a sleep consultant and guess what ?! Now we are teething 🙈

Its like the universe is out to get me , we spent the longest time getting her to self soother and to sleep in her own bed , it was great she did so well ! And last night ? I ended up sleeping in her room with her in my arms , the poor baby ! Its horrible seeing your child in pain and so unhappy , I am just so glad they don’t remember any of this !

So here we are , all routine out the window just trying to get through the day and praying that a tooth pops out VERY soon !

For all the mothers out there going through teething on zero sleep …. SALUTE

Angelique

Lets Have The Talk | Post Baby Sex

Talking about sex in general is so uncomfortable for most of us, especially post baby sex.

My husband and I never had any problems in this area until I got pregnant ….

Let me set the background for you ; I was HUGE !!!!! Everything and I mean everything, was swollen , I was uncomfortable , I couldn’t even find a comfortable position to sleep in , so needless to say my usual flexibility was something of the past 🤣

I was also quite moody (although if you ask my husband he would debate the “quite” part) so being intimate was the last thing on my mind and being touched while 7 months pregnant in a 46 degree South African summer was out of the question !

Needless to say we got through this phase with humor and we are even closer for going through this time in our marriage.

Then came our beautiful baby girl , and we were naive enough to believe that our sex life would soon go back to normal , boy were we wrong !

I had a c section so the usual 6 weeks applied before any intimacy, it goes without saying that the first time was everything but sexy 🙈

The weeks that followed came with such hectic baby blues and was just an emotional roller coaster for both of us , being new parents is so much harder than you ever thought it would be, no one can prepare you for it , even if you try mentally before the time , it just does not prepare you for the amount of love and the overwhelming feeling of looking after this tiny baby.

Now, almost 6 months later everything is back to normal , the amount of pressure a baby puts on a marriage is rarely talked about , 2 am crying will most certainly make you turn on each other!!

The good news is that everything goes back to normal , and even better than before , you and your partner get to know each other and get to see a whole new side, some of it bad , but all of it building blocks for a stronger relationship 💜

Being parents is the biggest blessing in the world and seeing your partner with your baby is just the most amazing sight you will ever get to see.

Angelique

The Baby Spa

First of all yes , you read that right ! Baby spa ….

I took my daughter to the Life Day Baby section in Fourways and I was so pleasantly surprised.

It is not a spa like we go to as adults but the same idea at the end of the day – relaxation! They place a neck floaty on her and a swim nappy and place her in this huge warm tub to drift around and kick and splash away !

I thought for sure she was going to scream her head off with that huge thing around her neck , and to my surprise she loved every second of it ! The idea behind it is to strengthen their bodies and their core and to make them used to water off course.

After this they gave her a “baby massage” with aromatherapy oils and concentrated on all the areas that I though needed help , such as congestion , tummy problems etc.

This was such an amazing experience with my baby girl and my only regret is that I don’t live closer to take her more often , she slept well , like a baby afterwards for hours and was just so relaxed and she smelled so nice because of all the oils !

Although I don’t usually share pictures of my baby girl , today I will make an exception because I find myself staring at this picture so often !

Picture of my little water bug living her best life 🌸

Can you tell I am a proud mom !? 🤣