How to deal with those sneaky insecure mom moments

My baby is going through a phase where she only wants her dad, she is happy with me during the day, but the moment she sees her dad she starts crying and only wants him, she even cries when he puts her down. Its intense ! In my opinion I think she is having separation anxiety, but with him and not with me, because well, I never leave, I am a stay at home mom and she never had sleepovers at grandparents or family. So it is safe to say that there is no need for her to miss me haha.

In a way, this makes me sad. I feel like (at the risk of sounding like a child) sad. Like she does not want me and I am her mother. I feel like I do all the hard work with her, I force her to have medicine and change her and puts her to bed etc. and then she still likes him more because he is the “fun” one, he plays with her and does all the nice things.

I think all mothers feel like this, regardless of the “daddy’s girl cliche”, being a mother is something that takes over your whole world, your children are your whole world, and when your children don’t show that back to you, you tend to feel a bit hurt, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

This is new territory for me, I am not an insecure person and I don’t overthink everything ( well mostly haha), and it was so hard to accept that this is the way I feel about it; sad. A few days passed and I finally gained some perspective (as with everything, time heals all wounds), how amazing is it that my husband spends so much time with our little girl, and that he is such a great father that she wants to be with him and not just me.

Sometimes getting some distance from an issue makes all the difference in the world, and things don’t seem so bad and you can see the silver lining so to speak.

Lets all take a breath and realize that we don’t need to put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom, to me, he fact that she wanted her dad and not me made me feel like I am not doing a good job, which simply is not true. It is okay to accept help, and not be alone in all of this, whether it is a husband, partner, grandmother, friend or nanny. And your child liking someone else more in a certain moment does not make you any less of a great mother ❤️

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Dad Instincts

The other day my husband and I were having a tiff over whether our baby girl is in fact teething or just being fussy for no reason; I believed that she is teething, and my husband believed that she is just having an off day and that I don’t need to always assume the worst. Needless to say; this turned into a huge argument, I explained to him that I have “motherly instinct” and that he needs to learn to trust that, he replied by telling me; he also has instincts as a dad – which brings us here.

I have since come to realize that I have this ugly side to me, one that feels I need to be the superior parent, that I somehow need to be the one my baby needs, and that only I can console her when she is upset or not feeling well. The fact of the matter is; that although this is mostly true, it is not true every time.

There has countless times where my baby is upset and I can’t console her, her dad takes her, and she calms down, there could be a million reasons for this; she feeds of off me , so that day I might be a bit more emotional, upset or stressed out, and she feels this too, it affects her world just as much as it does mine, if not more. Her dad on the other hand; takes things in stride, he is generally more laid back, relaxed and rarely gets stressed out (we balance each other out quite well).

At first, this made me feel quite irrelevant, it hurt my feelings that my baby girl was not comforted by me, and that she needed her father instead.

As a new mom, I constantly put pressure on myself to do things “right”, I was adamant that I will be the best mother and I would research anything before making a decision about my baby girl’s development and wellbeing, whether it be her feeding, her sleeping, her play time, her stimulation – EVERYTHING.

This was starting to drive me insane, I was always tired, no matter how much sleep I got at night, I was constantly stressing about her at night for no real reason, constantly doubting my own abilities as a mom. It was taking all the enjoyment out of being a mom in the first place, it made me miss the little moments that I was supposed to be enjoying with my family.

Overcoming my insecurities

Studies have found that a woman only matures at the age of 25 – mostly emotionally, according to this; you only really know what you want to do in life and can face the challenges life throws at you with maturity and a clear head. Well, I don’t know about you, but I am 27 and still don’t feel sure about myself and my future most of the time, and some days I really don’t feel all that mature either.

Overcoming this silly little insecurity took quite some time, I had to really work hard at it, and change my perception of the situation, my husband being so involved is a GOOD thing, him wanting to help and give opinions when she cried or was being cranky; was him being a good father and a good husband, it did not mean that he thought he knew better than me or that he is questioning my abilities as a mother. He simply wants to play a big role in her upbringing, and although he respects my opinion and realizes that I am the one that looks after her the whole day, sometimes, a fresh new opinion or suggestion from the outside is just what a situation calls for.

Looking after your child during the day, every day, can become intense (especially those days that they refuse to sleep and just basically refuse to do anything you want them to), you tend to get into your head too much and it becomes very difficult to take a break and gather your thoughts, or just to even have a cup of tea and plan your day.

Your frustrated, tired, and then dad walks in and says – “maybe you should try and put her in her pram instead” – Immediately you are enraged at the thought, because you have been trying to get her to sleep the whole day, and yet you did not think of that (you can’t tell him that though because you feel stupid for not doing it in the first place)

The Change

I realized that my husband (just like me) also finds joy in parenting, and the fact that our baby girl is comforted by him, yes, he might not have the same bond with her as I do, and yes, he is not always right about what is wrong with her, but neither am I for that matter. Making him feel like he is wrong all the time, also hurts his feelings, so now; even if I know she does not have a fever; if he suggests it, I take her temperature just to be sure, and this level of respect has changed our marriage for the better, he also now feels like I value his opinion and I don’t just brush it off.

This had a ripple effect, he is now more confident in looking after her if I am not there, because he is more confident in his fathering skills and his “fatherly instincts” so to speak, he does not feel the need to call me every ten minutes when she cries, he now knows what to do with her.

We as mothers are quick to dismiss things like “fatherly instincts” because we don’t believe that it could really be a thing, although I don’t think it is more important than “motherly instincts”; fathers all over the world are moving away from the historic “mother does all” way of life and becoming more and more involved in parenting.

I have even seen my husband googling “sleep regression” and “teething symptoms” a few times.

Now that I look at things a little differently; these things warm my heart, and I am so lucky to have a husband that is such a good father to our precious baby girl, and he deserves all the credit in the world for his “fatherly instincts”.

Danger ! Entering Toddler Phase

I honestly thought that my baby was a lot of work before, until recently 🤣

My baby girl is approaching 11 months now , and boy is she busy ! And I mean a good busy , she is learning and taking so much in now , she wants to explore everything and plays with everything BUT her toys 🤣 (and by this I mean the dog food, the plugs, the chargers, my cupboards, the remotes, medicine bottles, you name it) it has taken baby proofing to a whole new level !

Today motherhood just got the better of me , I feel exhausted down to my toes, and everything I need to do after she goes to sleep just feels like too much effort.

I just read online “there is no epidural for motherhood” – how true is that ? No matter how hard the day or situation is, you show up, and you give your child the best you can even when its hard. You wake up the next day and somehow just have the energy to do it all again.

But seriously, having a busy baby/toddler is no joke, I spent most my time closing my bathroom doors and hiding something new she found today, but I would not have it any other way and am so grateful that my baby girl is healthy and happy 🙏🏻

Getting through “those” days

Two nights ago my daughter cried so much that I almost took her to the emergency room, she is not a cryer and I honestly was at a loss for what to do. The next morning I saw that her one tooth came through during the night, wow ! She did not struggle like that with any of her other teeth. It just proves to me again that once you think you know your baby, it turns out you don’t, and everything that uses to work goes out the window.

Its scary to know that my baby can still make me freak out even 10 months down the line, but thats motherhood I guess , I know it will always be like this, wanting your child to be happy and healthy is the main priority.

I honestly don’t know how we get through those days/nights that seem to have no end in sight, when its over you kind of think “how did I do that” ?!. Thats what tickles me about “those” people who just has all the advice in the world to give to new parents (unsolicited by the way),

I have only been a mother now for 10 months, and boy the things I have learnt ! And yet I still don’t feel like I have any real advice for first time moms , obviously I have the odd one here and there (give yourself a break, don’t stress too much etc. ) , but I know that every baby is so different and so is the mother and the situation, thats why I don’t pretend for a second that I have it all figured out ( I might get the odd afternoon where I feel like mother of the tear, but it blows over quite quickly).

Most days I just feel like I am winging everything 🙈

Thats just it, there is no “one” recipe to make things easier for you, once you find who you are as a mother, things will even out, you will know what to do and what not to do (well most days) and you will trust yourself more. Until then, I say Wing it ! 😉

How to know when your baby is ready for daycare

I am a stay at home mom, my baby girl is now 10 months old, I know my baby, and I can see that she is not getting enough stimulation at home, I can also see that I am running out of ideas as to how to keep her busy during the day. She gets so excited when she sees other babies or kids. I must add that we live in a rural area, and she also does not see other people but us (except for the occasional visit to my parents or friends) , and then she gets overstimulated by all the excitement of people and malls, its a horrible viscous circle.

So I made the decision to take her to daycare, we live far away from a town, so I decided to take her to the town where my moms lives and only once a month for a few days, just to socialize. Boy that first day I honestly though I made a mistake (I know a lot of you are with me on this one), the crying almost made me turn around to fetch her, luckily I spoke to some moms before the time that said all babies cry the first day and I must just give it time.

The second day I was so nervous to take her , she cried again, and by the time I was out the door she stopped. When I fetched her the woman said it went so much better and my baby girl even smiled at the teacher when we left, they even did little footprint artwork at school that day and I got to take it home. I have never been so proud of ANYTHING in my whole life , that little footprint is on my fridge and I will keep if forever !

After that very long story; all I want to say is that every baby and every situation is different , not all babies benefit from daycare and not all moms can afford to stay home with their babies, follow your instincts, you know your baby best (no matter what the in-laws might say or even your husband), do what you think is best, because most of the time you are right !

I am so glad I decided to do that, and I cant wait to take het again ! 🙏🏻❤️

Don’t let anyone make you feel like less of a mother or that you are doing the wrong thing thing with your child, EVER ! I speak from experience when I say that it is a slippery slope , and soon you will be second guessing yourself around every corner, and you know what ? Life is too short for that nonsense ! If your baby is happy and smiling , who cares what anyone thinks !

How time makes you a stronger parent

When my husband and I first brought our baby girl home, I remember how sore our warms used to be for days, from holding her and breastfeeding (she only weighed 2,95 kilos), now she weighs 10 kilos and we cary her around a lot (she is in that clingy phase where she wants to get picked up ALL THE TIME) and yet our arms don’t get sore quickly anymore, in-fact, I even get a few things done around the house while carrying her.

And that is what motherhood does to you, it makes you stronger, selfless and oh so much more motivated in life. When something happens in your personal or work life that upsets you or throws you a curveball, having a baby teaches you to just get through it, you cant sit in a corner and feel sorry for yourself, because your baby still needs attention and sleep and food and and. There is no time to take to mope around or to wallow. You get up and you push through it.

Sleep is another example, for the first 9 months I struggled so much without a proper night’s sleep, now , I don’t really mind, I get up at night and I am okay, I am not even moody anymore, I think I have maybe just admitted defeat. Haha

Being a mother changes your life ! And it is such a blessing to be able to have a little human. And being stronger for it, Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we raise them and may we be them. 🙏🏻❤️

Being a Woman is Intense ! 🙈🤪

I mean , where do I even start on this one ?!

We still go trough hormone changes , periods , headaches , flu , tiredness, irritations and all the normal turmoils of everyday life , all while still raising children .

I just don’t think that men understand this , my husband is so helpful with her and tries his very best to be supportive , but I still get the occasional “you make it worse than it actually is” and the “you are overreacting” .

Now look , I am not the most patient person , and my anger goes from 1 – 100 I’m seconds since becoming a mom ,

It is like a switch went off when Paige was born , and I feel this fire inside of me to fight for my family and loved ones and to not be a pushover anymore !

I honestly believe that being a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me ❤️

Angelique