So, although I cannot give you advice on exactly what to do, because I am still figuring things out myself, I can however tell you what NOT to do!

Your Home Life

Nothing in this world can prepare you for being a parent, I don’t care what anyone says, helping a sibling or a family member with their baby will maybe make you used to the idea of a baby and give you some helpful tips even, but in no way will it give you a taste of what it feels like when that little bundle is yours.

No book in the world will explain to you how YOUR baby is feeling and why, yes, it has been put together by experts, but it is the general rule, and not always specific to your baby, I have read so many things and then I think “what? Why is my baby not doing this?” – This is the biggest downfall for new parents, books tell you when what milestone should be reached and how much your baby should be eating, and most of the times this is right, but sometimes it just is not, and this immediately sends us into a state of panic.
Listening to how other people raise their children is also a “no no” , how people raise their children reflects their personalities, their home life and their values, therefore, doing what you see from other people will most probably not work for you, because, well, you are different, you are an individual and your personality and values might not be the same.

And Finally, the most important one; do not, I repeat, do not compare yourself to other moms, this will most certainly drive you insane, and it most certainly has for me, the problem when looking at other moms is you see what they call the “highlight real”, you come over for dinner, and the whole family is on their best behavior, because let’s face it, that’s what we all do. What you don’t see, is that they also fight over who must do the dishes, the mom also locks herself in a closet to cry (a bit extreme but it happens) and the dad is not always the perfect husband you see at dinner.

Some people are just more open about their struggles, to me, these are the best kind of people, they make you feel like you are not alone, like you are not as crazy as you though, and not always overreacting as per your husband’s opinion.
Find these people and stick to them like glue, they are the mom friends that you want by your side on days that you feel you cannot cope, or you just had enough.

Google is the Enemy

Wow, where do we even start on this one?

If you haven’t yet googled “How to get my baby to sleep” stop reading because this post is not for you; the results on this is so confusing and contradicting that it would leave even the most confident mom second guessing herself.

Sleep deprivation is torture, it affects every aspect of your life, it’s just intense!
Google is helpful in the sense that you can find information online at any time of the day or night, there are thousands of “how to” videos, and I myself have watched a few videos on swaddling and latching that were quite helpful.

But overall, you see information and tips that just do not work for your baby, and then you are left overwhelmed once again, with no way out.

Motherly instinct is the best go to you can get, become confident mom! And trust your gut, 9 out of 10 times it is right, the other time your baby was most likely just not feeling well or just having an off day – which happens, if you think about it, your baby is also an individual, and just like we have off days, they do too, they just can tell you how they are feeling.

Most days you end up just winging it!

Fed is Best

This is such a sensitive topic, and I am almost scared to write about it, but here goes!
I personally tried to breastfeed, and did for 7 weeks, unfortunately due to circumstances, my supply dried up after trying everything under the sun, there could be a million reasons for why what when and where, but that’s just what happened, and I ended up giving my little girl formula.

This was so intense for me, as it felt like I failed her and that I am not doing what is best for my baby, but at the end of the day, do what is best for you, there are so many moms out there that will tell you that you are a bad mother for choosing to formula feed.
Don’t you dare listen to them, we place enough pressure on ourselves to be perfect mothers, we do not need added stress to any situation, it is your life, and you do what is best and what suits you guys better. You are still a good mother!

We need to stop mom shaming each other, what I don’t understand is that these women are also moms, they were even once first-time moms, and know how hard is to adjust and to get into a routine that suits your family and your lifestyle, adding to this is not only mean, but unnecessary.

To the moms out there that are struggling with all these things, hang in there, keep doing what you are doing, and it will all get easier soon.

This too shall pass.

Angelique

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23 thoughts on “What NOT To Do With Your Baby

    1. Haha the bunny ? I also love it ! Was a bit obsessed with bunnies when I was pregnant ! Her whole room is filled with them , heres hoping she actually likes them when she is a bit older 🤣

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  1. Such a great post. I hate the pressure there is on women to breastfeed. I did a bit of everything with mine (3 were tube fed!) and I think fed is best and our mental health is important! Just do what’s right!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so glad that you talked about this!! I am not a parent, I have a niece, and I have 5 of my friends who are all new moms. And the language and tone that goes back and fourth is seriously heartbreaking!!! Everyone has their own journey. I am so glad you addressed

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  3. I was such a different mother with my first baby than I was with my 4th! I remember panicking and taking my 1st to the hospital if he fell and bonked his head; now, they cut themselves badly, I crazy glue it shut! (that’s all they’d do at the hospital anyway!).

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  4. it can be so tempting to try to come up with all of the answers online. It would just be dangerous because so much of the information is bogus. And ultimately trying to compare your experience expecting it to be the same as every one else is a problem.

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  5. The judgment from other moms often starts even before the baby is born- all natural childbirth has become a pressure for moms and those who end up with a c-section or an epidural are made to feel less than. Healthy baby, healthy mama is the goal of any birth experience, just as fed is best. Let’s stop the judgement and embrace each other in this motherhood journey.

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  6. I love this mom comparison and shaming are so real and need to be eliminated! Tbh, we all lead different lives- so of course all babies are going to be different and all situations will be handled differently with different outcomes. As long as a mother is doing what’s best for her child, who cares? Even if you would do something differently! OK, I’m stepping off my soapbox. HAHA! I just hate that this kind of stuff can make a mother feel so inadequate. Great post, thanks for sharing!

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